


Loki, a villain

by Jonah_Smith_907



Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Hurt Loki, Hurt/Comfort, I hope, I'm beginning to think that maybe all the angst I intended, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Torture, Loki Needs a Hug, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Peter is a BAMF, Peter is a great kid, Protective Tony Stark, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, and later on fluff, by now anyway, idk it's just a lot of angst, in a later chapter I think, is slowly turning into tooth rotting fluff, okay there's a lot of fluff, possible trigger, probably, there's also fluff though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-06-14 03:45:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 23,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15379944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jonah_Smith_907/pseuds/Jonah_Smith_907
Summary: A few months after the battle of New York, Thor finds out Loki has been held captive on Jotunheim and takes him to the Avengers to take care of him. Turns out Loki is in worse shape than anybody thought and had to go through some really terrible stuff. Luckily though, Peter seems to like him and with their growing friendship, the rest of the Avengers have to accept their new member.Aka Loki needs a hug (and gets it)Aka Peter's a sweety (Not slashy!!)Aka Tony's such a dad (and Steve, too)Aka Clint is a dick (Sorry, but he'll come around.)Written, because I think we all desperately need some serious Loki-fluff.Be safe reading, as this might contain triggers through panick/anxiety attacks and talking about torture. Rated explicit just to be safe.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't beta-ed, so any mistakes I made are mine. 
> 
> Be safe reading, as this might contain triggers through panick/anxiety attacks and talking about torture.

_“You might want to take the stairs to the left.” “And am I not your mother?” “Please, don't!” “Because no matter **how much you claimed to love me! You weren't gonna have a Frost Giant sitting on the throne of Asgard**!” “You will kneel before me!” “Don't do this!” “Your birthright was to **die**!” “KNEEL!” _

Loki woke with a start, horribly gagging at the nausea that let his head spin. He would have screamed if his lips hadn't been sewn shut. He would have screamed at the dark void around him, with no hope of anybody hearing him. He didn't know what had made him think he could have gotten out of the mess he had caused without any severe consequences. Turned out he'd been too naïve to see the truth. To accept it. To prevent it.

He took the sharpest rock into one hand and leaned his head back against the cold wall behind him. He felt like he was bursting, like his emotions were getting too much. He had to let them out, somehow. Had to distract himself from the hunger eating from his stomach and from the torture of his own mind. 

If he thought about it, he could even end it. He knew he could. But he was certain that he'd go straight to hell and he didn't know whether that would be worse than this. 

He didn't end it.

 

“Where is he?”, Thor demanded, anger dripping from his voice as fear held his heart in an ice-cold grip. He pushed the Frost Giant in front of him against the next wall. “What did you do to him?!”

The creature gave him an evil grin. “We put him where nobody goes.” 

His neck snapped before he could draw another breath.

 

“What do you mean he stays with us??”, Tony asked and shot the god an irritated look. “He's a maniac.”

“He's … he's very badly injured. They hurt him.” Thor cleared his throat to hide the sadness in his eyes. “I don't know if he will ever fully recover.”

“You say that like he was tortured.” Clint took a sip from his coffee. “Though that still wouldn't mean that we'd have to take care of your brother.”

“You will, Hawkman!” The god took a threatening step closer to the archer, his voice suddenly much more dangerous. “He is not safe anywhere else. Besides, he doesn't have anywhere else to go. He wouldn't be able to survive on Asgard and he can't go to Jotunheim.”

“So what? He's not our responsibility.”, Clint snapped. “What if he throws a tantrum and kills us all?”

“He won't.”

“And how do you know??”

“Because otherwise I'd put him back where I found him.”

There was silence after that. Evidentially said place must have been a nightmare and everybody had thought Thor would never hurt his own brother like that. Apparently they'd been wrong.

“Alright, fine.” Tony sighed in defeat. “When will you drop him off?”

“He already has. Loki is in the med-bay.”, Bruce said as he stepped through the door, startling the others. He didn't sound very happy about it, either. “He looks terrible.”

“Must be all the green.” Clint snickered. 

 

He must have passed out at some point, because when he woke up, he felt different. It was an agonizingly slow process until he finally reached the stage of awareness to have a clear thought. Which was something along the lines of 'where am I?'. Then he managed to open his eyes – and squeezed them back shut immediately. After what, weeks? Months? Of nearly complete darkness, the friendly light of the sun through big windows was burning his eyes. So he wasn't in the cave anymore. Which wasn't exactly good news, though. Because now he didn't know _where_ he was. All he knew at this moment, was that he was laying on a soft kind of mattress, some sort of blanket was covering his body up until about the middle of his stomach. 

His heart dropped in fear when he realized he wasn't wearing anything apart from some pants. He forced open his eyes again in panic, ignoring the stinging pain of the light and frantically tried to pull up the blanket, trying to cover his arms with it.

It wasn't like he'd been wearing luxurious clothes in the cave, but at least his old green ones had covered his chest and arms. And his thighs. Body parts in general he'd rather not have anybody see. 

“You're awake.” He froze in shock, eyes wide and then slowly lifted his head. “You're in Avengers Tower, in case you were wondering.” The woman standing there had red hair, softly falling over her shoulders. She was pretty for a mortal, but there was something about her that immediately told him not to underestimate her.

He attempted to say something, then he remembered how tightly his lips were sewn together. Then he noticed they weren't any more. For a few moments he just stared dumbfounded, blinking, his tired mind caught in too many new things. “Who are you?”, he finally croaked, voice raw from disuse, though he managed to hide his anxiety. “Who brought me here?”

“Your brother.” She cautiously moved a little closer. “He said you were in bad shape. Seems he was right.” She cocked her head to the side as she took in the sight of his bruises and stitches. “I have to tell you though, you make one wrong move and you're either dead, or spending the rest of your days back where Thor found you.”

The trickster put up the best smirk he could manage to cover up the dread in his eyes and the fear in his guts. “Of course.” He hadn't forgotten the threat. A chill ran down his naked spine and he suddenly wished he was somewhere else, somewhere less exposing. “May I ask for some clothing?”, he asked. And cursed his lips for moving without his brain approving it. “It appears mine has been … removed.”, he finished.

“Okay.” And with that she left. She didn't say anything else, didn't give him another look, she just left, leaving Loki alone in his panic.

 

Only shortly after, a man entered. He had brown curls and warm eyes and he was carrying some clothes. Although he nodded at the trickster, he left the green fabrics without a word. He didn't seem very keen on speaking to him. Which made the god even more insecure. 

Loki picked up the clothes and looked at them. Going by the Asgardian style of the long-sleeved robe, though it was thinner and lighter than usually, they were from Thor, which meant he wasn't going to visit him. A sting of sadness in his heart made his lips quirk up. It wasn't really surprising. He let out a soft huff and shook his head, trying to get rid of the violent thoughts that suddenly filled his head. He had caused too much damage for his brother to still love him; he supposed a man could only forgive so many times. Thor was probably better off without exposing himself to the pain that was Loki.

Perhaps he should have ended it after all. It might have been less painful.

He still wished he could see Thor again. They hadn't talked in way too long.

 

Loki didn't get a floor for himself like the Avengers, he was given a bedroom with an attached bathroom on the communal floor. Which meant he was never truly alone. One of the heroes was almost always there, always keeping an eye on him, always _watching_. Whether they came down for breakfast, for dinner or to watch some TV, there was always _someone_. 

Of course nobody was particularly happy about this situation. Especially not Tony, who had complained more than once about Thor's impertinence of leaving his brother at the tower and then taking off. Apparently he had 'business to take care of'. In space.

What the mechanic didn't say out loud was, that he was scared. Scared of the battle of New York repeating itself. Scared of his friends dying. 

 

“Dinner's ready.”, Steve announced by sticking his head into Loki's dimmed room. “Do you want some? Otherwise we'll put the rest in the fridge.” And you can sneak out at night and get it, he didn't add. 

“I shall take some later.” The trickster smiled wryly at the soldier. The thought alone of having to face the others made his stomach flip with anxiety. They'd stare at him and judge him and mock him! He couldn't do it. “Although I do thank you for your … consideration.”

The other man nodded shortly and quickly left, leaving the god alone in the semi-darkness. Since he'd arrived merely two days ago, he'd kept his small part of the tower dipped in dawn light. His eyes were still sensitive to light, but he didn't want to spend his waking time in utter lack of light. He'd learned to despise complete darkness. Once he'd appreciated darkness. Once he'd been able to hide in it. To hide his sorrow, to his himself. 

But those times were over now.

 

About three or four – or six hours later, Loki opened the door of his room. He drew in a sharp breath to encourage himself, before taking a small step into the bigger living area. The first time he'd crossed this space had been on his – very pathetic – way to his bed, so he hadn't exactly paid attention to the interior design. 

Now he noticed a big three-parted couch-land. Behind that was a surprisingly big table and many chairs. There was also a kitchen-area with an enormous refrigerator, which Loki now carefully approached and opened. There was food in it, alright. However, everything was labelled. 

On one box there was something scribbled onto it that could barely be recognized as a name. It said 'Hawkeye'. Somebody had crossed it out and written 'Trasheye' underneath it. Then there was a container that had neatly written 'Steve' on it, and somebody had drawn a small shield next to it. The one labelled 'Stark' had a dick next to it and the one with 'Peter' had a very cute spider on it.

The box with 'Natasha' was untouched. 

A small (read: big) wave of anxiety washed over the God when he didn't see anything labelled 'Loki' or 'Trickster' or even 'Villain' or 'Asshole'. He'd thought they wouldn't let an opportunity to make fun of him pass. Then he suddenly spotted a container without a tag. He double and triple checked, but nothing was written on it. Maybe it was a trick? Maybe it was going to explode in his face, or maybe it was even poisoned! 

But he was so damned hungry! He hadn't eaten in way too long, the thought of dry bread made him nearly cry.

So he opened the box and looked inside. 

Nothing exploded.

It seemed to be some kind of mortal food, consisting of mostly red sauce and weird looking long, yellow strings. He looked through some drawers until he dug up a fork and tentatively tried a bite. It was difficult to get the strings onto the fork, but eventually he just rolled them and shoved them into his mouth as quickly as possibly, so he wouldn't drop them. 

It tasted good. In fact, to him it seemed like the most delicious food in the universe. A warm and full feeling started spreading in his stomach and for the first time in a very long time, he was able to forget all his pain.

Naturally, he started stuffing as much food into his mouth as possible, barely pausing to swallow.

“Hi.” He nearly dropped his fork at the light voice and spun around, his heart beating twice the speed it normally did. There was a boy standing there, no older than 16. “Tony said you'd probably be eating.”

“Then why did you come?” Loki squinted at him and tried to conceal his rising panic. Cursed was his still raspy voice!

“I don't know, I just wanted to say hello, I guess.” The boy shrugged. “I'm Peter, by the way.” Ah, the one with the spider. “I'm Spiderman.” Of course.

“You are just a boy.” He set down the fork with forced calmness and closed the food-container. He suddenly felt incredibly sick. The smell of the dinner lingering in the air nearly made him gag. He shouldn't have eating so much at once, he shouldn't have come out, shouldn't have! “Isn't it a bit irresponsible to let you fight? Or is this common among mortals as well?” It became increasingly more difficult to keep his voice calm and he wished, once again, he could just disappear.

“Well, no, my aunt isn't happy with it, but she doesn't try to keep me from doing it either, so I guess it's okay.” Peter took a step closer, but he didn't seem to have noticed the other one's unease. “Your name is Loki, right?”

“It is one of them.” He took a step back. Perhaps this was some kind of trick to make a fool of him, to mock him. He blinked. He couldn't see a straight way out, his view was bocked by the boy, he was trapped. “What is it you are doing here again?” He could feel sweat forming on his face.

“Uh … I was curious what you're like. You know, after the whole battle of New York and all.” He scratched the back of his neck and gave Loki an apologetic smile. “Tony isn't happy about you being here.”

“The man of Iron?” A feeling of dread spread in his stomach, adrenaline shot through his veins as unwanted memories connected with that man shot through his head.

“Yeah. He'll come around though.” Spiderman shrugged with another smile and grabbed a bag of doritos from a cupboard. 

“What do you care?!”, Loki snarled with a sudden outburst of anger. Why did this boy think it _mattered_ to him, whether anybody like him?! He never had, why should he now? He was the bad guy, he was hated and feared and rejected! Nobody was even _supposed_ to remotely like him! “You are just a child, you know nothing!” In order not to do anything stupid – like attacking that boy – he spun around and leaned heavily on the countertop, gripping it with both hands until his knuckles turned white. His breaths were coming out too fast now, all he could do was heave and watch his racing thoughts getting worse and worse and worse and this was all wrong! He wasn't supposed to lose his composure like that, he wasn't supposed to show weakness! He'd be punished, they'd hurt him, they'd never let him leave! They'd let him rot forever in the darkness!

Why was it this dark anyway? Had he not turned on the light when he'd gone to get food? He must have. Should have. Didn't. 

He didn't know where he was any more.


	2. Chapter 2

“Mr. Loki, are you okay?” Peter took a step closer to the trembling man in front of him, worry written all across his face. 

“I'm fine!”, the trickster spat and turned around once more. He looked at the boy with wild eyes, trying to find out what was happening to him. He had never experienced such utter panic before. Stupid, stupid Loki, he shouldn't be panicking like this! He didn't have any reason to! He was weak and scared and _not worthy of anything_! “I'm-I'm fine!”, he repeated, weaker this time. Utter fear had taken hold of his mind, blocking out everything else, every clear thought, every self-control he'd ever had, just gone.

Peter's worry intensified. “I think I know what this is.” He cleared his throat a little uncomfortably, pushing down his own anxiety. “Tony has a similar problem sometimes.” He hesitated before continuing: “I think you're having a panic attack. There's breathing exercises for that.”

“I-I can't be – this is impossible!” He wasn't going to rely on some kid to calm him down, he was too good for that! He would never be able to live past that shame. So he did the only reasonable thing that came to mind: he bolted. He stumbled past Peter, not even caring about how pathetic he looked, stormed into his room and locked the door behind him. 

“Loki-”, Peter tried to call, but then the door was locked and it was quiet. The boy slowly walked closer and knocked. This couldn't be good. Maybe he should get some help? “Let me help you, I know what to do.”

“Leave me, Spider-Child!”, Loki hissed from inside, though it sounded rather weak. Which must have come from the fact that there was no air left, no oxygen to breath! He angrily wiped away some tears and backed away from the door, until he hit the wall behind him. Although he felt waves of nausea washing over him, mixed with the imminent feeling of dizziness, he refused to let himself slide to the floor. He was from Asgard, he was the God of Mischief! It was underneath him to do things like fainting! 

Except that he did.

Maybe it was partly because of the lack of food in the cave, or because he hyperventilated, or maybe because he was dehydrated. The fact was, that nothing prevented him from losing control over his body and falling, in what felt like slow-motion, until he was suddenly met by the hard floor.

Peter only heard an uncomfortable thump from outside of the room. That couldn't be good.

“Jarvis, get Tony, Steve and Bruce down here!”, he quickly said. Without waiting for a confirmation from the AI, he knocked on the door. “Mr. Loki are you okay?” 

He didn't get an answer. Shit.

Luckily, only minutes later the three men burst out of the elevator, all of them looking concerned and ready to throw punches. 

“What did he do to you?!”, Tony asked and grabbed Peter by his shoulders, locking eyes with him. On the way down, he had played all sorts of horrible scenarios inside of his head, whilst at the same time trying not to freak out.

“Nothing, Mr. Stark.” The boy gave him something like what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “But I think he had a panic attack and then he vanished into his room and then I think he passed out while standing, so I don't know if he's okay.”

“... Loki had a panic attack?” Steve raised an eyebrow. “He killed 80 people in two days and he has a _panic attack_??” He shook his head in disbelief. “Wow.”

“I was already hoping he'd died.”, Tony scoffed, relief taking over the anxiety. 

“That's not very nice.”, Peter mumbled with a trace of annoyance in his voice. 

“Right. Sorry.” The mechanic bowed slightly and rolled his eyes. “My apologies. Though you have to admit that he's a murderous little shit and nobody would be very sad if he did die.”

The younger one just nodded slightly. He wasn't sure his opinion was wanted on this matter. He didn't want to upset Mr. Stark, because maybe then he'd be thrown out? He'd seen the genius make irrational and even stupid decisions when upset. “Just look if he's okay.”

“Fine.” Steve quickly picked the lock – which … odd – and then entered the room. “Loki?” He stuck his head into the room and discovered the God laying in a corner. He was curled in on himself and seemed to be some kind of awake, though he was shaking and mumbling to himself. He didn't seem to register the intruders. The super-soldier frowned. “Bruce, you're needed. I think you're the best at this.”

“I'm still not a doctor.”, the scientist grumbled, but came in anyway. He crouched down in front of the Trickster and put a hand on his shoulder, which earned him a violent flinch. Peter grimaced. “Loki? Loki look at me.”

A dry chuckle escaped the god, but coming from him, now, it sounded so much darker. And so much more scared. Suddenly the chuckle broke into a choked sob, making it even harder to breath. “Stop-Stop talking, stop, please, _stop_!”

Bruce exchanged a worried look with Steve, and then glanced over to where Tony and Peter had entered. Loki didn't beg. Ever. “Can you tell me where you are right now?”, he asked carefully. 

“I'm gone.”, came back the distressing answer. Just two words, but it let a shiver run down Peter's spine. “Gone, so far gone, I'm … I-I'm alone.”

“Loki, you are in the Avengers Tower. You are safe.” Bruce cleared his voice. “Thor saved you. Remember?”

“...no.”

“Well, he brought you here and now you're curled up on the floor.”

“But it's dark.” He sounded like a child, which was a disturbing thought, considering it affected the God of Mischief. He had now moved his hands to his hair and was gripping it tightly, pulling, nearly ripping it off his skull. He was so far gone in his panic, he couldn't even see the people in front of him, even though his eyes were open. 

“Tony, turn on the lights.”

With a small huff, the mechanic did as he was told. Apparently the flash of light managed to pull Loki out of his flashback, because he shot up in a fight-or-flight-reaction and scrambled backwards, further into the corner. He stared at the people in front of him with haunted eyes – and then he froze as cold realization struck him. 

“Uh … Mr. Loki, Sir, it's okay. We won't hurt you.” Peter smiled encouragingly, masking how shaken up he really was. “Promise.”

“S-surely the promise of – of a mortal is something … honorable on earth.” He slowly got up until he was standing, leaning slightly forward, trembling hands balled into fists. “I believe it is only … appropriate to give you my thanks.”, he eventually finished, still out of breath, looking around as if to find out whether there was a threat. It didn't look like he was convinced that there wasn't one.

“Right. Yeah.” Tony looked at the Trickster. “Do you … I don't know, need anything else? Some more attention maybe?”

Loki shot him a tired look. Suddenly, all he wanted to do was sleep. Just sleep, until maybe he didn't wake up any more. He shook his head and walked over to his bed. When nobody moved, he lifted his head once more. “Please, leave.”

After several seconds of silence, Bruce and Steve left and Tony pulled Peter to the elevator, leaving Loki alone.

And even though he had asked for it, he suddenly wished he wasn't alone. He wished Thor would visit him, would tell him it was going to be okay. He huffed at that thought. How stupid of him to assume it would ever be okay. It wouldn't be. Because he had fucked up. He had fucked up so bad, not even his ever forgiving brother wanted to see him. 

He curled up under the covers of his bed, pressing the blanket over his mouth so nobody would hear his sobs.

 

“Peter, I'm worried about you.” Tony looked at the younger one suspiciously. “Why do you like Loki so much?”

“Who – who says I like him?” Peter crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I don't like him.”

“Yes you do, don't lie to me.”

“I just think that he looks like he's been through hell and that maybe you guys shouldn't go this hard on him.”

“Oh, so now we're supposed to forget that he tried to have earth invaded by Aliens and tried to kill every single one of us?”

“No, you're not supposed to forget! You're supposed to forgive. Loki got his punishment. Is that not enough?”

“Not for me, it isn't!” He pointed angrily at Peter. “And I don't like how much sympathy you have for this guy!”

“Why, because I still know what that is?”

Tony stared at him in stunned silence. Then he shook his head and let out a small chuckle. “You're really something else, you know that?”

“Thanks.” Peter grinned back at his mentor, pride shining in his eyes.

“But I'm telling you, I don't trust him. He's a trickster, he could be fooling us all. And if he does, we're probably doomed.”

“He had a panic attack, Mr. Stark.” The grin was gone, now, replaced by and annoyed frown. “I don't think Loki is the kind of man who shows vulnerability. Like … ever.”

“Maybe he changed tactics.”

“I don't think so. He's got too much pride for things like weakness.”

“You think a panic attack represents weakness?”

“No, but I think he does.”

 

“Steve, I have bad news.”, Bucky announced and leaned against the kitchen counter next to the Captain.

“There is no good news or bad news, Bucky.”, the blond answered and continued chopping some tomatoes. “There is only news.”

The super-soldier hesitated. “Loki is joining us for dinner.”

“That's … that's not exactly bad news, is it?”, Steve tried and smiled wryly. 

“Peter asked for it.”

“...that is bad news.”

 

“Loki, dinner's ready. Everybody is there and we – well Peter, wants you to join us.”

“... excuse me?”

“Come on.” Clint left the room and took his seat at the opposite end of the place for Loki.

The trickster debated inside of his head for a good two minutes, checking the pros and cons of a dinner with the Avengers, then he decided that he couldn't stay away if he was asked to join. Despite his once again rising anxiety, he carefully left his room as well and approached the Avengers. Everybody was staring at him, but he couldn't show them how uncomfortable he was, so he quietly sat down. 

Next to him sat Peter and gave him a small wave. “Steve made lasagna.”, he announced cheerfully. “I thought you'd like to join us.”

He really didn't, but judging by the look Tony and Steve shot him, there was no way he could be even remotely impolite to him. So smirked and nodded. “Of course.”

For some time he was left alone and nobody tried to talk to him, but then suddenly Clint dropped his fork onto his plate, leaned back in his chair and squinted at the God. “Where was that place anyway? Where you were … held?”

Loki nearly choked on his lasagna. “I-I beg you pardon?”

“You heard me.” Natasha kicked the archer under the table for his rudeness, but he ignored her. “Thor didn't tell us. But I think we're entitled to that story, aren't we?”

“Um … I … perhaps.”, he croaked and looked down at his slightly shaking hands with a frown. He balled them into fists and moved them out of sight, into his lap. “I was on Jotunheim.”, he eventually said, voice quiet. “They chained me up in a cave.”

“Who are they?” That was Tony.

“Frost Giants.” Loki's voice was so quiet, Clint was barely able to make it out, even with his hearing aids at their most sensitive setting. 

“Aren't they like your relatives?” Steve frowned in confusion. “Why would they do that? How did you even get there in the first place?”

“Well I did try to destroy their planet.” He gave the whole table his best evil smirk. “They didn't exactly like that.”

“So they were just like 'Okay, let's hurt this little fucker a little bit'?” Tony took a sip of his scotch. “Nice.”

“They – they did … they didn't just _hurt me a little bit_!”, the trickster rasped and couldn't hide the shake in his voice. “They …” He took a deep breath. He couldn't do this. He couldn't tell them what they did, he couldn't tell them what had happened, couldn't tell them what had happened _after_! “Excuse me.” With that he got up, nearly knocking over his chair in his desperation and fled to his room, this time not even bothering to lock it. 

There was a short silence around the table, until Peter spoke up, irritation clear in his voice. “You guys are unbelievable.” That got him a questioning look from Tony.

So he got up as well and followed Loki, carefully entering the bedroom. When he didn't find him there, he proceeded to the bathroom – and wished he hadn't come. 

Loki was sitting on the floor, back leaning against the bathtub, a broken razor with it's blades loosened next to him. One of those blades lay loosely in his right hand, thin cuts on his left forearm, small trickles of blood running down his pale skin. 

If Peter had carried anything, he would have dropped it now. Luckily he didn't. He just stood there, staring, gaping even, shocked at the sight before him. 

Suddenly Loki seemed to awake from some kind of trance, recognized Peter and scrambled to his feet. “Get out!”, he spat with sudden fury filling his recently so empty green eyes. He forcefully stepped forward to the boy and attempted to push him out, but the younger one held his ground, gently bringing some distance between them. The trickster wasn't at his full strength yet, too weakened by his time in chains.

“Calm down, Loki.”, Peter said, not quite able to hide his disturbance. “I'm not here to … judge or whatever.”

“Well then what do you want?”, he snarled, cradling his arm against his chest.

“I just wanted to say that I'm sorry they're like that.” Peter politely ignored the smell of blood in the air.

“I don't care about any mortal's opinion!” He took a step back, clearly wanting his space, but not wanting to ask for it again, not wanting to show even more weakness than he already had. “It's beneath me.”

“I also wanted to say that uh … that I don't want you to feel unwanted.” It was his best try at putting their conversation into a more normal light. 

“Nobody wants me, Spider-Child.” Loki let out a dry chuckle, overplaying the pulling at his heart. “Stop your games.”

“It's not a game, dude.” Peter shortly hesitated. “I like you, okay? And I don't think you deserved that kind of punishment and I don't think you deserve to be bullied by the others. Whether they're the Avengers or not. I don't think it's fair.”

“Nothing ever is. You should get used to it.” The God smirked, suddenly in full control of his emotional facade. “It is better to find out these things sooner rather than later. It would save you a lot of pain, believe me.”

“And would it soothe that pain if you had a friend?”

Loki's facade crumbled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm beginning to think that I'm turning Clint into a real ass, even though he's one of my three favs. Sorry about that, I'll try to fix it.  
> Also I feel like Peter is kind of OOC? Please tell me if he is.  
> Also sorry about all the angst, fluff is coming up. I hope.  
> Just tell me if something is off or anything. That'd be great, thanks
> 
> Update: I read over it again and took the advice of CatelynJones, who reminded me not to write so quickly (I had that problem with my very first fanfiction as well). I hope it's better now? I'm sorry if it isn't, but I'm afraid in the next few days or so I won't be able to go into too much emotional details since I'm having another depressive episode. I'll keep writin though and then just add more emotion-flavour ;)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back, y'all! I got my emotions under control, this shit is rolling outta my head and I'm also finally able to go into depth with them. So here is some emotional shit with Peter and Loki, a little tiny bit of Stucky - well it can be read as Stucky - and also Nat and Clint. 
> 
> I don't really know what happened, but I wrote this in two days and it seems to be kinda good, so I hope you'll like it.
> 
> Also it's so freaking hot in Germany right now, it's terrible. Everybody spends their day inside, wearing no shirts and putting ice on their faces. Though currently there's like ... a tiny storm coming? God, I hope so.  
> Wow, this was a long rant, sorry.

“What do you mean, 'He cut'?”, Steve asked and frowned, but not putting down the book he was currently reading.

At the other side of the table, Clint scratched the back of his head, leaned back on his chair and suspiciously eyed Loki, who was standing next to Spidey.

“Well … cut.” Peter cleared his throat and glanced at the God, who was trying not to look too terrified as he was standing there, desperately pulling down his sleeves. He never would have thought he'd have to talk about this. Ever. He'd always thought that these kinda things only happened to other people, straight up until the point where he'd been in way over his head. “His whole left forearm is covered in them.”

“Like scratches?”, Bucky carefully asked and slowly put down his fork.

“No. Like he took apart a razor and dragged the blade over his own skin.”, the teenager snapped. Loki flinched at this directness. He so did not want to talk about it. 

Now Steve dropped the book and shot Bucky a look, who was suddenly very interested in the floor. “That's not okay.”, he pointedly said. “Not even for him.”

“No, it's not.”, Tony agreed, though it sounded a little bit forced. He got up from his chair on the table and stepped next to the God. Even he couldn't deny the severity of self-harm. The whole subject was a rather sensitive one in the whole tower; too many of the Avengers had had their experience with cutting. If not on themselves, then on their friends. He sighed. “I don't want to imagine what Thor will do when he finds out.”

“Don't you think he should know?”, Natasha asked from the her chair, licking clean her knife. “I mean this is bad.” There was only the faintest trace of concern in her voice.

“Perhaps the Trickster should decide for himself. Especially since he's standing right here.”, Loki finally growled, which got him the attention of the entire room. Even Sam looked up from his plate. Oh wow, great, now everybody was staring at him. Terrific. “Nobody tells my brother. Or you shall feel my wrath!”

“Right. And you think he'd be less agitated if he found out that we lied to him?”

“I don't think he'd care.” His voice was cold, but his eyes betrayed him, dark swirls of emotions in the pale desert of his facade. 

“Yes he would.”, Steve objected. “He's your brother!”

“It means nothing.” And after a brief pause, he added quietly: “I mean nothing.”

Nobody dared to say anything to that. It wasn't that they didn't know what to say. But they still hadn't forgiven him about New York. Though they didn't agree with him either, because even Clint had to admit that Loki meant at least trouble, and Thor would forgive him a thousand times. Only Peter looked like he was ready to say something comforting. He didn't, in the end. 

Tony still couldn't understand how or why the boy liked Loki so much, even though he had a thing against bad guys – and Loki was evidently a bad guy.

Perhaps, he thought, perhaps Peter was able to see past all the bad things that were Loki and recognized all the pain and inner conflict he was living with. Perhaps he was innocent, good enough to see the good things in the God. And to forgive him. 

And that might have been a somewhat nice thought, if it hadn't been for the slightly depressing fact that this meant that the rest of the Avengers were too bitter and too broken to do the same. 

“We have to tell him, Loki.”, Peter sighed. He was too young for this shit. “He's your brother and I think he'd be hurt if you'd keep this from him.”

“What, do you think he values some more burden, Spider-Child?” Loki let out a dark chuckle. “I think not.” 

“Then at least let me clean those cuts!” Tony was about to step in and stop his kid from _helping_ a freaking _villain_ , but then he thought better of it when he saw how the younger one had pressed his lips together in _caring_ determination. “You don't get a say in this.”

“But it's not necessary.” Now the Trickster just looked confused. 

“I don't care. That's what friends do, so shut up and follow me.”

Steve gaped after the two as they disappeared into the bedroom, Clint's eyebrows nearly disappeared into his hairline and Tony let out a strangled gasp. 

“Please tell me I'm dreaming.”, the mechanic croaked. He should've stepped in.

“... you're really not.”, the archer replied. “And nobody likes it.”

 

“This might sting a little bit.”, Peter warned before he started cleaning the thin cuts, but the God didn't even flinch. “You know, I still think you should tell Thor. He's your brother after all.”

“Adopted.”

“It doesn't matter whether he's adopted or not!”, the younger one hissed, sudden agitation lighting up his eyes. “He's your family! Do you have any idea how much I'd give to have a brother? Adopted or not? To have family?! How much the others would give?!” His hands were shaking slightly as all kinds of emotions rushed through his body, an old memory of aunt May flashing before his inner eye. “Don't deny him the chance to reconnect with you, simply because of your pride or whatever the hell it is what's going on in your head.” He took a deep, calming breath, though it didn't do a lot to ease the stabbing pain in his heart. “He's trying so hard to be in a good brotherly relationship with you, but you're not making it easy.”

Loki was quiet after that, staring at Peter and fighting back tears. Eventually he lowered his gaze and stared at the cuts on his arms. “I … I don't know how to … to do all … that.”, he whispered. “I don't know how to be a good son or brother or … how to be a good man.”

“You can still learn that.” Peter tilted his head so that he could look at the God and gave him a warm smile, all anger had vanished from him, though the hole in his chest remained. “It's not too late.”

 

“Clint, I know you're up there.”, Natasha addressed the vents above her head. 

There was some quiet shuffling noise until a ceiling-tile moved aside and the archer jumped to the floor. He grinned at her, but she saw right through his thin mask. “What's up?”

“Are you okay?”

“... what do you mean?” He warily squinted at her. “Why wouldn't I be okay?”

“Well, let me think. Maybe because the man who controlled your head and made you kill people is living like two floor underneath you.”, she easily countered. “So. Are you okay?”

“Sure.”

“Cut the shit, Barton.” She pursed her lips now, which was never a good sign.

“Alright, fine, I'm not that fine.”, he quickly gave in, raising his hands in defense. “There, happy?”

“A little bit.” Now she raised an eyebrow, clearly wanting to hear more than that. 

It's not like he wanted to, but who was Clint to annoy the scariest assassin he'd ever known? Exactly. “I'm not happy with it, okay? I don't like him being here and tricking everybody into pitying him, even though we all know he's a shady little shit.”

“You do realize that he hurt himself and was tortured for … quite some time?”

“Yeah, so? Doesn't mean I have to be happy with it.”, he pouted. 

“That's not what I'm saying.” She rolled her eyes at him. “I'm just saying that maybe he learned his lesson. Besides, he doesn't seem very happy with this whole situation either, so maybe he sees this as further punishment.”

“I sure hope so.” Clint took a deep breath. Then he put up yet another smile. “Can I go now, counselor?” 

“Not before you give me a hug.” 

“You never hug.”

“You've just never seen me do it. Now move your ass before I change my mind.” 

She opened her arms and suddenly the archer was clinging to her, face buried in her shoulder. He breathed in her scent, the scent of family and home and safety and closed his eyes. He was okay. He was fine, Nat was here and Loki wasn't going to do anything. 

Natasha held her best friend firm, gently holding him close by his neck, thumb stroking over his hair. A tiny smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. He was going to be okay. At least he hadn't bolted again, so he couldn't be that bad. 

After several minutes he stepped back and playfully saluted. “Goodbye now, my never-dying love. I shall ascend back to heaven now.” And with that he opened another vent and disappeared within seconds. Natasha only shook her head and chuckled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked it, please tell me whether I should focus on Loki and Peter or if I should also go into detail with Bucky/Steve and Natasha and Clint (and no, they're not a couple or anything, just besties)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Thor/Loki it _not_ slashy in this fic, I do not ship them and I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't suggest/request anything of that because it makes me uncomfortable.   
>  They're just brothers that are slowly getting closer to each other again after having been through some heavy shit.   
> Of course I won't judge anybody who ships them or anything, I just personally don't like it.
> 
> Have fun reading though xD

“Loki?” Thor knocked on his door. “Are you there?”

A very tired looking Loki opened and leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed in front of his chest. “What do you want, brother?” As much as he'd wished for this before, he now suddenly didn't want him here, didn't want to have another fight. He simply wasn't strong enough for that. And even though the sight of his mighty brother in sweatpants and a hoodie was an amazing sight, he didn't have it in him to mock him. 

He didn't have it in him to express all the bitterness about the long absence of Thor.

“Tony wanted me to speak with you about something.”

“What is it?!”, he snapped, already growing annoyed with where this was going. All he wanted to do was sleep, or disappear, or die.

“He said you have harmed yourself. Intentionally.” The god saw immediately how the other man tensed, clenching his jaw repeatedly and lowering his gaze shortly, dark hair falling into his face. 

For a few minutes neither of them said anything, lost for words. Thor could see how his brother's thoughts were racing, eyes darting though the room, breathing too shallow, too quick, body stiff.

After what seemed like an eternity, Loki suddenly hid his face in one hand, supported by the other one, clutching to his side with an iron grip. Quiet sobs shook his shoulders, although it was fairly obvious that he was trying to suppress it. 

It was the easiest decision Thor had made in quite a while. He stepped forward and gently pulled the younger one into his arms. Loki didn't even try to fight it, but instead buried his head in his brother's shoulder and wrapped his hands around Thor's neck, holding on for dear life. He was openly crying now, forming a wet spot on Thor's hoodie, who only held him tighter.

That went for another few minutes, until Loki's knees slowly grew week and he started putting more and more weight on his brother, nearly collapsing under all his emotions.

Thor couldn't help but crack a sad smile as he swooped his brother into his arms and carried him to his bed, where he lowered him onto the soft mattress. 

“Go to sleep now, baby brother.”, the God softly whispered and gently stroked the other one's cheek. “It will be better in the morning.”

“No, it won't.”, Loki croaked back and rolled onto his other side. “It really won't.”

“Would it be better if I stayed?” Thor didn't get an answer, so he offered: “Say no if you are completely against it.” He didn't get an answer to that either, so he figured it couldn't be the worst idea. He lay down next to his brother's back and pulled the covers over them, lazily playing with Loki's long hair, whispering sweet nothings into his ear, until finally his breathing evened out. 

He was sound asleep only a few moments later. His face was pale, but calm. It looked like it was carved into marble, just as beautiful, just as flawless. Thor let himself admire his brother for only a short time, before he inched a little closer and wrapped his arm around his waist, so that his hand was resting just above Loki's heart.

And for that very moment, they were okay.

 

“Are you seeing this too, or am I dreaming?”, Tony said with a disbelieving look at the image in front of him.

“Nope, I can see it too.”, Steve answered, a similar expression on his face. 

They were currently staring at the footage from an hour ago, since Thor had visited Loki for the first time, and who were now both laying in bed, sleeping snuggled up to each other closely. 

“Do you think they do that often?”, the super-soldier asked with a doubting frown. 

“Dude, this is Loki we're talking about. I don't think so, no.”, Tony answered. “But it's the weirdest thing I've ever seen, and I've certainly seen some very weird shit.”

“Well, it does confirm the whole victim-story.”, Steve said thoughtfully. 

“Doesn't make me like him more.”, the mechanic grumbled. 

“Maybe not, but considering how much Peter likes him, we should probably think about this a little more … sensitively.”

Tony thought about that shortly. “Yeah.”, he finally agreed. “Probably.”

 

Only about an hour later, Steve knocked on Bucky's door. “Bucky?”

There was some rushed shuffling noise, then the door opened. “Hey. What's up?”

“And are you okay?”

“Sure.” Bucky gave him a smile. “Peachy.”

“And the truth?”, Steve pushed, ignoring the other one's clear boundaries.

“I'm fine, Steve!”, Bucky snapped in short-lived anger. Then he wiped over his face with one hand. “I'm sorry, man. Shouldn't have snapped like that.”

“It's okay, I'm not mad.” He didn't wait to be invited in, but gently forced his way into the room. He looked around a little lost, as he figured out how to approach this subject subtly. “You uh, you sure know how to slowly put down a fork.” Wow. He could've hit himself in the face for that sentence. 

Bucky raised an eyebrow in light confusion. “What?”

“You know, when Loki was there and Pete told us about the self-harm.”, he clarified with a light blush.

“Oh.” Bucky took a deep breath. “That.”

“Yeah. That.”

For a few moments there was a heavy silence between them, until Bucky said slightly more irritated than necessary: “Well what do you want me to say?”

“I don't know, the truth!”, Steve snapped back.

Again Bucky was quiet. “I don't do it very often.”, he then croaked, head lowered, gaze fixed on his hands. 

“Why?”. The other man asked, voice a shallow whisper. How had he not noticed earlier? How could it be, that it had needed Loki of all people, to make him realize that there was something wrong with his best friend??

“It doesn't matter, though, does it.”

“Of course it does! What are you talking about?”

Bucky drew in a shaky breath. Then he quietly confessed: “I do it to get myself out of flashbacks.” And the way he was standing there, broke Steve's heart. Trying so hard to maintain his composure, but betrayed by his eyes that were too sad and his lips that were pressed together too tightly. 

There was nothing else to do but pull him into bone crushing hug.

 

When Loki woke up the next morning, it took him a few seconds to realize that he wasn't alone in his bed. For a brief moment he panicked, but then he opened his eyes and saw Thor laying there, staring at him, and he remembered the evening before.

“Good morning, Loki.”, Thor greeted with a smile. “How was your sleep?”

“... I did not dream of the … the cave tonight.”, Loki tentatively answered. 

“Well, that is progress, is it not?”

“Perhaps.” Or he was just suppressing his trauma. He cleared his voice and sat up, fondling the blanket between his fingers. “You said you wanted to talk. I believe now is the time to talk.”

“Of course.” The God sat up as well. He seemed happy about being able to talk to his brother like this, but also a little nervous and maybe even scared when he asked: “Why did you harm yourself?”

Loki drew in a sharp breath to keep in the tears that had immediately threatened to spill, but he managed to keep his voice calm. He could do this. “I suppose it was better than drowning in memories.” 

“Of the cave?”

“Yes.” 

“... do you wish to talk about it?”

The Trickster let out a bitter laugh. “No. Certainly not.”

“You need to talk about it with someone.” Thor reached over and squeezed Loki's shoulder gently, giving him another soft smile. “Perhaps the Spider-Child will help you find somebody. Of course I am sad that it is not I you can trust, but you seem to have a bond with this Child.”

“It is not a bond.”, Loki instantly rejected the suggestion of friendship. He wasn't somebody to have friends. “He is only polite.”

“I have seen him be polite. This is not it.” Thor carefully turned Loki's head by his jaw to face him, so that he could look him in the eye. He softly stroked his cheek. “He wants to be your friend and you need a friend. So do not push him away.”

“I don't … I never had a friend.”, he quietly confessed. “What does it feel like?”

It broke Thor's heart to hear this. He'd never seen it, but now that he thought about it, he could have slapped himself. He had never once made sure that his baby brother was okay, that he had friends, that he felt loved. But now he had the chance to make things right, to turn things around for the better. “It feels like you depend on them. But that's a good thing, brother.”, he explained after thinking about the question for a moment. “You trust them and they trust you and your heart and chest feel all warm and happy when you see them.”

“Sounds awful.”

“It's the most beautiful thing in the world.”

“Then I do not deserve it.” Loki turned his face away again, looking at his hands cradled in his lap.

“Yes.” Thor pulled him into a warm side-hug and placed a soft kiss into his brother's hair. “You do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I hope this all made sense, because I wrote this chapter in parts and in the wrong order.


	5. Chapter 5

“Hey, Loki.” Peter let himself fall off the ceiling and used a web to steal the God's bowl of cereal, who flinched violently at the sudden voice, but relaxed when he spun around and recognized the boy. 

“Hello Peter.” Loki gave him the hint of a smile. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, you know. Skipping school.” The teenager grinned and dug into the food.

“It is not wise to challenge your fate like that.”, the Trickster warned him with a frown. “You should attend your classes.”

“You sound like Tony.”, the younger one mumbled, but didn't move. “Besides, I'm not _really_ skipping school. My class is going on an excursion today to the Avengers tower so I'll meet them downstairs in like ten minutes. I didn't want to drive to school, drive back here, then drive back there and then return here if I can just meet them downstairs.”

“Right.” Loki shifted a little uncomfortably. More people meant a higher risk to be seen and therefore to lose control faster. And he couldn't lose control. “Where will they go?”

“Oh, uh, to the labs mostly, but also to this floor. You know, with it being the communal floor and all.” Peter watched carefully as Loki's still bruised face changed from something forced neutral to something rather concerned, so he quickly added: “But we can also skip that if you'd like.”

“No.”, Loki hurriedly said. “It's fine. I'll just … stay in my room.”

“Sure. Whatever you prefer.” He stepped closer to him, so that he was leaning slightly against the God's shoulder. “Just say the word and we'll leave.”

“It's not-”, Loki started, but then realized what he was about to say and panicked, though for some reason he _wanted_ to say it. So he took a deep breath and then quietly continued: “I wouldn't want you to leave.”

“Aw, man, that's really nice.” Peter smiled at him and without thinking pulled him into some kind of slightly awkward side-hug, though he quickly released the other man when he winced as pain shot through his arm. Then he took a look at the clock at the wall and nearly dropped the bowl he was still holding. Instead, he shoved it back into Loki's hands, who raised one brow in slight confusion. “Shoot, I gotta go, the others will arrive in a like a minute and I still gotta get dressed!” With that the boy ran into the elevator, though not without nearly slipping when he lost his grip on the floor with his fuzzy socks.

Loki looked after him with a soft smile. 

 

Only half an hour later he cursed himself silently, standing in front of a horde of students, who all looked various stages of scared and also slightly confused. Loki had stepped out of his room to get himself a glass of water, but he hadn't thought the children would already be here. 

Never had he been so wrong and now he regretted everything. 

He was frozen in place, eyes darting though the room, desperately hiding his distress. However, Peter didn't buy it. Of course not, he was a smart kid and he had learned how to look past somebody's facades. 

“Hey Loki.”, he greeted with a smile and carefully stepped closer, ignoring the horrified stares of his classmates in his back. “I thought you … were busy?”

“I-” he cleared his voice a little awkwardly, but when he glanced over the intimidated people in front of him, he suddenly gained some much needed confidence. He straightened his shoulders and lifted his chin, green eyes taking in the scene of scared children in front of him. It felt good, finally getting a small sense of satisfaction as the feeling of power rushed through his veins, after such a long time. Even though they were only children, he hadn't felt this much in control of his own body since he'd first woken up in the cave. He gracefully continued: “I desired a drink. I wasn't aware of the arrival of … these.” He gestured to the students.

“Yeah, sorry, I probably should have told Jarvis to tell you.” Peter smiled sheepishly. “You know, but now that you're here, maybe you want to answer some questions?”

“...for instance?”

“I don't know. Flash, you wanna ask something?” 

The bully looked scared enough already, but he'd never openly admit that he was afraid of anything. So he took a deep, calming breath and took a step forward. He stared at the skinny and battered God in front of him with wide eyes and eventually asked with a shaky voice: “You uh … you started the whole uh battle of New York … right?” 

“Correct.” Loki raised an eyebrow and looked down on the boy only a few feet away.

“... can I ask why?” 

Peter was already prepared to step in and deescalate the situation before it could escalate in the first place, but the Trickster was right now fully in control of his emotions and actions. So he calmly replied: “You may not.”

“Alright, folks, that's it.”, the teenager quickly said and grabbed Loki by his arm, gently pulling him into his room. He closed the door behind them and switched on the lights. “You okay? I'm sorry, I should have warned you.”

“It is not your fault, Spider-Child. I simply didn't pay attention.”

“Are you okay, though?”

“Yes.” He gave him a careful smile. “Today I am.”

 

“What the hell was that, Parker?!”, Flash spat when Peter stepped out of Loki's room. “That guy is a lunatic!”

“Maybe. But he's my friend.” Peter gave him a warning smile. “And he's surprisingly protective of me.”

“Ts, as if. You are just both totally crazy.”

“Well, at least Peter didn't shit his pants. As opposed to you, Flash.” Michelle looked up from the book she'd been reading. At the angry look he gave her, she smiled back at him.

 

It was only one week later, that an army of weird Robot-Alien-Things attacked New York. Apparently their leader had found out about Loki's escape from the cave and wasn't happy with it, so he'd sent his little tin-soldiers. Nobody knew exactly why they held such a grudge against the Trickster that they had to invade an entire city, but nobody really questioned it either. Their lives had gotten so weird lately, nothing could really shock them anymore. 

So now the Avengers were out there, fighting, while Loki had stayed in the tower. Obviously. Though Peter had managed to convince Tony of joining them, which he was very proud of.

“Peter, you good?”, Clint asked over his comms as he saw the red figure apparently jumping off of an alien and onto the Tower. He didn't get an answer. “Kid?” Still nothing.

“What's going on?”, Tony demanded, concern already cloaking his voice. 

“I think he kinda returned to the tower, but now he doesn't answer.”, the archer replied and shot another alien in the eye. “Maybe you should go and take a look.”

“Goddammit, this kid is gonna give me a heart attack one day.”, the mechanic murmured and turned around in the air, flying back to Peter. He shot everything that was stupid enough to move in front of him. “Jarvis, talk to me.”

“Mr. Parker seems to be unconscious, but otherwise his vitals are alright.”, the AI answered. 

Tony picked up on speed, a hundred different brutal scenarios shooting through his head as he came closer, having lost rational thinking completely. 

Peter, lying lifelessly on the floor, Peter with holes in his chest, Peter in a pool of his own blood, Peter - 

“Sir, I recommend slowing your breathing.”, Jarvis interrupted the horror that was his thoughts. “It seems you are on the verge of having a panic attack.”

“Right, sure, great idea.”, Tony huffed, but nevertheless he tried a few breathing exercises he'd learned in one of the few therapy-sessions he'd actually attended. It would probably be counterproductive if he'd pass out now. He had more important things to do. “Okay.” He drew in a sharp breath. “Where do I have to go again?”

“The top floor of Stark Tower, Sir.”, Jarvis patiently replied. 

“Right.” He sped up again. “Is there somebody with him? Or something?”

“It appears to be Loki, Sir.”

“Crap.” He was finally in seeing range of the top floor – and suddenly a wave of anger rolled over him. 

Peter was there, alright. But the Trickster was hovering over his limp body, apparently not aware of Tony approaching. The mechanic wished he wasn't so close to his kid, so he could kick this fuck-up's ass!

“Get away from him!”, he snarled and landed a few feet away from the two. 

“He requires medical attention.”, came back the slightly shy answer.

“Yeah but certainly not from you! You are the one who injured him in the first place!” There was no other explanation. There couldn't be. Otherwise, why would Loki be here?

“I would never hurt a child.”

“But if these aliens you let lose in New York killed children, that's something different?”

For some reason Loki winced at that. To Tony's horror, he still leaned further down now, closer to Peter – and picked him up. The boy's arm hung down, along with his head, mask still covering his face.

It was such an extraordinary view; the god in green gently carrying the boy in red, it left Tony nearly gaping, for a second forgetting how to walk. 

The hell just happened?

Then his mouth finally caught up with his racing thoughts and he instinctively stretched out one arm, as if to hold him back. 

“Put him down!”, he snarled. “Put him down, now!”

Loki gave him a wry smile. “I do not intend on hurting him, Anthony. I would never.” He kept walking in the direction of the elevator, but hesitated once more and shortly looked back. “He's my friend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this all made sense, I didn't really read through it once more.   
> Leave me a comment on how you liked it and maybe how you'd like this to continue


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk what happened, but this has gotten significantly fluffier than I'd intended. It's way less angsty -.-  
> Also I'm sorry about the delay, but I was busy watching Disney movies. I discovered that they're way too emotional for me xD
> 
> _Also_ I didn't read over everything, so if anything doesn't make sense or you find weird typos that make it hard to read, please let me know

Peter had just been tucked into his bed in the Med-bay, when Loki was finally allowed inside. The boy looked fragile, a white bandage wrapped around his head. He also looked a lot younger and not like this tough teenager who wanted to be an Avenger so bad. 

The Trickster sat down in a chair next to the bed and rested his head in one hand. He'd stay here until his friend woke up. 

Of course he would have preferred being alone.

Instead, only seconds after Loki had sat down, the door opened again and Tony walked in. He didn't look too concerned, so the God figured he must have spoken to the doctors. 

The mechanic sat down in a chair on the other side of Peter's bed. 

He looked at Loki.

Loki stared back.

They nodded at each other in a silent agreement of temporary peace. 

 

When Peter woke up, his head hurt like crazy and he wished he could stick it into a bucket of ice. He forced open his eyes and took in his surroundings. He halfway expected to be held captive on an Alien's ship, but instead he found himself laying in a clean bed in the Med-bay of the Avengers Tower. He looked to his right side and couldn't help but smile at the sight he was presented with.

Loki was there, sitting in an uncomfortable looking chair, head leaning on one hand. His breathing was nearly even and deep and he seemed to be sound asleep, even though his eyes were moving under the lids. 

Peter had never seen him this calm and only now he realized how beautiful this God really was. 

Then he turned his head to the left and found Tony there, equally asleep in an equally uncomfortable looking chair. He felt like he was being guarded by his dad and his big brother and even though that was a slightly scary thought, considering he hadn't really had either of those, but it was also very comforting. Knowing, that these two people cared enough about him to fall asleep in a chair. Without killing each other. 

He fell back asleep with a smile on his lips.

 

“You know, I didn't think you'd be telling the truth when you said you wouldn't hurt him.” Tony squinted at the Trickster on the other side of the bed. “Maybe Capsicle was right.”

“Really?” Loki raised a brow. “I didn't expect you of all people to admit you were wrong.”

“I didn't say I was wrong, I said Steve was right.”, the mechanic snapped. 

“Isn't that the same thing?” The God smirked. It was surprisingly much fun to return to his mocking self. It felt good to finally have some normality back in his shattered life. Even if it was only by making fun of Tony. Although perhaps he should keep from doing so, in order not to make the Spider-Child hate him. The boy seemed rather fond of the mechanic, so he figured it wouldn't be wise to insult him. Or rather not insult him too much. A little bit of mocking sarcasm here and there couldn't do any harm. 

“I'm trying to be nice here, dipshit!” Tony shot a look at Peter, but the younger one was still sound asleep.

“...what?” Loki narrowed his eyes. That … came unexpected. 

“Yeah Steve said that we should maybe go a little easier on you, considering how much Underoos likes you.”

“... underoos?”

“Yeah, Peter, Underoos.” The mechanic let out an annoyed huff. 

“That's … very kind of you to say.”

“Yeah, no shit.” He rolled his eyes, before getting serious again. “But I tell you what: you so much as yell at him, and you're dead.”

“Naturally.” Loki smirked back at the other man. And even though he tried to conceal it, he was all kinds of happy right now. Perhaps he wouldn't be sent back to Hell after all. 

 

“And you are sure you are alright??” Loki grabbed Peter by his shoulder and gently let his fingers trace the scratches on the boy's cheek. “You were injured.”

“Yeah, I was. But I'm fine now.” The teenager smiled at him reassuringly. “I'm fine. I'll call if I'm not feeling well, I promise.” He gently freed himself from the God's grip and took his hand in his own, squeezing it lightly. “Besides, I had to promise Mr. Stark to text him every hour to update my health status.” He rolled his eyes but couldn't hide the affection in the motion. 

“... alright, fine.” Loki patted the younger one the shoulder once more. “Take care of yourself then.”

“I will.” Peter grinned at his friend widely. “Thanks, Mr. Loki.” Then he turned around and left the building to make his way to school. 

“You … you can call me Loki.”, the Trickster quietly said, shook his head fondly and slowly went to the elevator. 

 

Bucky had once again stolen from Steve's hoard of Cap'n Crunch and was currently trying to eat it as fast as possible so he wouldn't get caught. Nobody really thought he'd be a cereal kind of guy, so like this he could blame Clint whenever Steve stormed in with an empty bag and started a speech of how dishonourable stealing somebody else's food was.

Therefore it was only natural that the assassin nearly dropped his bowl when the elevator announced its arrival with a ding. Bucky turned around on his chair, quickly hid the evidence of his crime behind his back and waited for the doors to open. He was slightly panting, guilt written all over his face. He didn't even want to know what kind of punishment his lover would think of if he found out. 

According to this, he was rather relieved when it was Loki who stepped into the room, although he looked kind of worried.

“Hey, Loki.” After a few seconds of consideration he turned back to the countertop and kept eating. 

The Trickster joined the other man in the kitchen and rummaged through the cupboards until he found a bowl. He hesitated before making himself a portion of Cap'n Crunch, too. 

“Be careful, Steve will kill us if he finds out that we ate his stuff.”, the assassin warned, but the other man only shot him a tired look. “What's wrong? You look concerned.”

“The Spider-Child has returned to school today, even though he was injured.” 

“I'm sure he'll be fine.” Bucky raised a brow, scepticism clear as day in his eyes. “You know, I didn't think you'd care about him that much.”

“What are you talking about, I don't.” Loki gracefully lifted a spoon of cereal to his mouth. “I just don't want Stark to … blame me if his child gets hurt.”

“They are not actually related, you know.” 

“Don't be daft, they might as well be.”

“Who is what?”, suddenly a voice interrupted.

The two men spun around, both desperately trying to shield their bowls from Steve's view, who apparently had come out of nowhere. He raised a brow at their odd behaviour. Or maybe he looked like that because Bucky and Loki seemed pretty chill around each other. It was still very surreal to see the Trickster this … peaceful. And not trying to kill everybody.

Still, something was off. 

“We were just talking about Tony and Peter.”, Bucky quickly explained. “Loki thinks it wouldn't even make a difference if they were related.”

“Well he's not wrong.” Steve grinned. “Tony is such a dad.”

Loki huffed softly. “He is a mother-hen.”

“Yeah, he is.” Steve went to the cupboard and took out his cereal. He paused when he noticed how much was missing already. He shot a look to the two men, who were both innocently smiling back at him, then he looked back at the bag. 

He squinted. 

“You don't happen to know whether Clint was here, do you?”, the super-soldier eventually asked. 

“Um … no…” Bucky shrugged. “I don't think so, sorry.”

“Then how come my Cap'n Crunch is half empty?”

“Maybe he ate it yesterday or something.”

“... right.” Steve cocked an eyebrow. “So I guess I won't find used bowl behind your backs.”

Loki took that as his cue to abandon ship. “Barnes did it first.” He gave the other man a dirty smile, who grimaced back. 

“You seriously betray me like this?”, Bucky pouted.

“Darling, I am a Trickster. It's what I do.” Loki rolled his eyes and got up form his chair. He walked up to Steve and said: “My apologies for stealing your food.”

“Yeah, uh … it's okay, thanks.”, the blond replied a little confused. “Just um don't do it again, I guess.”

“Of course.” And with that, the God disappeared into his room. 

“I'm sorry too, you know.”, Bucky threw in. 

“Yeah, but you made me believe Clint did it.”

“You gotta admit, it's not very far fetched.”

Steve grinned. “No, it's not. Still, why didn't you say anything? I coulda gotten you some, too.”

“Pff, where's the fun in that?”

Meanwhile, Loki took the concealing spell off the bowl he'd smuggled past the two soldiers. The fake bowl in the kitchen vanished into thin air.


	7. Chapter 7

“Um … Loki, you there?” Tony knocked on the God's door a little hesitantly.

There was some shuffling before the door opened. “What is it?”

“Today's movie-night and Peter wants you to join in.” The mechanic gave the other man a tight-lipped smile. “You coming?”

“Yeah … sure.” Loki squinted a little surprised, but followed Tony to the couch, where the rest of the Avengers had gathered already. Even Thor was there, waving at his brother with a smile. “Is it a movie about earth?”

“It's Disney.”

“What is a Disney??” He slowly sat down, a bit apart from the others.

“... you'll see.” 

“Hey Loki.” Peter plopped down next to the God with a grin. He handed him a bowl with popcorn. “Have you ever watched a movie before?”

“... no.” He suspiciously inspected the white cloudy stuff before him. 

“This is going to be fun.” The teenager let out a chuckle and threw a hand full of popcorn into his mouth. Then he threw one at Clint. “The little Mermaid, or Bambi?”

“Dude, I'm not gonna watch Bambi again!”, the archer replied with a grimace. “I had to watch it with the kids already and even the dog cried.”

“Well, Ariel it is then.” Tony shook his head in an attempt to hide his joy. “Which part though?”

“Well the first, obviously.” Steve rolled his eyes. “Loki hasn't seen anything yet; it'd be dumb to start with the second one.”

“Right.” Now the mechanic rolled his eyes, but told Jarvis to put on the movie.

 

One and a half hours later and the floor was covered in popcorn, Sam had nearly punched the TV and Loki was humming Ursula's song to himself, lost in thought. He looked quite peaceful, but nobody really noticed. Well, neither did anybody notice that the God was holding on to Peter's shirt, softly fondling the fabric between his fingers. 

Meanwhile, Tony and Natasha were arguing about whether it was worth it to turn from a mermaid to a human only for a man, while Bucky agreed with Bruce that it'd be very nice to float around in the ocean all day in peace. Peter and Thor both had tears in their eyes, but they tried desperately to hide them.

Steve and Rhodey were trying to convince Clint to dress up as Ariel and sing, but the archer kept refusing it. Even though he was very tempted. 

Eventually Peter turned to Loki and asked: “And? How did you like it?”

For a few seconds the God thought, before answering: “I like Ursula.”

The teenager paused. Of course he had to like the villain. “... really?”

“Yes. She uses magic.”

“Right.” He forced up a smile and added: “Would you tell me, if you had … bad thoughts again?”

“Define bad.”, Loki said a little confused at the sudden change of subject. 

“Well you know, like killing people. That'd be bad.”

“Um...” The Trickster frowned. “How would I do that?”

“Uh … how about a scale? Like 1 being all good and 10 being wanting to kill everybody in reach?”

“Right.” He considered that. Maybe it would be good to have somebody he could tell these things. Of course he'd been getting better, but occasionally he'd have fantasies about hurting others. About taking their lives. Lying to them and tricking them, only to his own pleasure. He nodded. “Fine. I'm in.”

“Cool.” Peter smiled at him. “Okay, so why do you like Ursula so much?”

“I don't know, she just seems like a very good business woman.”

“But she was evil!”

“But you have to admit that she knew how to pull a good con.”

“... yeah that's true.”

“However, she could have done it with a little more … taste.”

“What, you don't like her style?”, Tony piped in. His argument with Nat had not ended in his favour.

“Yes. I mean have you seen her eyeshadow??” Loki shook his head in disgust. “Green doesn't suit her.”

“I think it looked good.”, Steve joined the discussion. Clint had somehow managed to disappear, although nobody was really surprised about that. 

“Yeah, but you don't know a lot about style, Stevie.”, Bucky snorted. 

“Oh and you do?”

“Totally. He's rocking that goth-look.”, Natasha grinned. Then she turned to the Trickster and asked: “What colours would you have picked for that witch?”

“Something on the dark purple spectrum.”, he answered without hesitation. 

“That makes sense.” Bucky nodded in agreement. Then a shit eating grin appeared on his face. “We should get Clint to wear some purple eyeshadow.”

“I'm in!”, Natasha snickered. 

“Yep, me too.”, Tony grinned. 

Peter shook his head, but nodded with a smirk, too.

 

It shouldn't be this difficult to knock on a door. Or at least Loki thought it shouldn't be. And yet he'd been standing here for the past ten minutes or something, trying to convince his hand to follow his orders. 

In the end he couldn't do it. He just couldn't, he was too weak, too weak to make things right, to apologize for all the terrible things he'd done.

He let out a resigned sigh and turned to go back to his room.

 

Clint had been trying to decide on an eyeshadow for the past ten minutes. They were all some kind of purple, but also all different and he wasn't very good with these things. So now he decided that he needed help. He got up from his bed, walked to the door – and ran into Loki, who jumped back in surprise.

“What the hell do you want here?”, the archer snapped, immediately getting defensive, memories of _that day_ flooding his mind. 

“I … wish to speak to you.” The Trickster looked at his feet, avoiding the other man's eyes. 

“So you can put some weird spell on me again?” Clint huffed and shook his head. “No thanks.”

“I wanted to apologize.”

Well that came as a surprise. Clint cocked an eyebrow. “You want to do what now??”

“I realize that you cannot forgive me, or are not willing to. I understand that. Yet, I would like to … to express my regret about … well everything.”

“Dude, what the hell happened to you??” There was no way Loki had gone from a crazy-Trickster-lunatic to what, a remorseful innocent?

“Hell is pretty much what happened.”, the God dryly replied. “It made me realize quite a few things.”

Clint scratched his neck, then he gestured at the other man and into his room. “Come in and tell me what happened. Then maybe I'll not fantasize about killing you any more.”

“That … sounds good.” He gave the archer a small smile, trying to hide his shaking hands and stepped into the room. “Thank you.”

“Don't thank me too early, I still want to hear about the shit that happened.” When there wasn't an immediate response, he pointed at the chair next to the bed. “Now. Sit.”

“Of course.” Loki took the chair and looked around anxiously. “What do you want to know?”

“Everything.”

The Trickster huffed out a joyless laugh and looked at his hands. “I'm not sure you do.” Then he looked back up at Clint. “But I suppose that's for you to decide.”

“Go on, then.”

Loki cleared his throat. “After the Battle of New York, my brother brought me back to Asgard. Some … some bad things happened there and my … my mother died. It was my fault. Then I was abducted while Thor was gone. I don't know for how long, but … it was long enough.” He drew in a shaky breath. Then he shook his head, trying to get a hold of himself, trying to banish the panic from his body, but it wouldn't work; it just wouldn't work! “I'm sorry, I cannot do this. I can't … can we get Peter here?”

“Why??”

“I … I need somebody to … to” He let out a panicked breath. “I can't do this alone.”

“Dude.” Clint snorted. “Who are you and what have you done with Loki?”

“...what?”

“Nothing. Jarvis, get Peter here.”

“Of course, Mr. Barton.”

 

Peter was sitting in class when suddenly his phone rang. He quickly pulled it out of his pocket and frowned when he saw how was calling. He ignored the stares of his classmates – and the teacher – and walked to the back of the room, where he answered the call. 

“Hey Clint, what's up?”

_“Hey Pete, I need you at the Tower.”_

“What, now? What happened?” Even though he was trying to keep his voice down, he knew the others could hear everything.

_“Um … Loki came to me to talk about things but now he says he wants you to be here, too.”_

“I'm in school. Can't this wait?”

 _“No, not really. He's … crap. I think he's having a panic attack.”_ Now the archer even sounded worried. 

“Shoot.” Peter ran a hand through his hair. Then he jumped into action and started packing his things. He gave his teacher a note from Tony, which allowed him to leave school any time there was an emergency. “Alright, give him the phone.” He ignored Flash's insult that followed him out of the room and started running. 

Apparently now Loki was on the phone, but he didn't say a lot, just mumbling quietly to himself. 

“Loki, can you hear me? This is Peter. I'm on my way to the Tower, I'll be there in ten!” 

 

When the teenager finally reached Clint's floor, he didn't even bother to knock. He just stormed in and immediately crouched down in front of Loki, who looked like he was putting all the concentration he had left, into controlling his breathing.

Surprisingly, he calmed down a lot, as soon as he felt Peter's hand on his. He looked up and gave the younger one a grateful smile. “Thank you for coming.”, he gritted out in between gasping breaths. 

“Sure. Are you okay?”

Loki took a deep breath, nodding to himself. “Yeah.”

“And on our scale?”

“Uh … a two? Perhaps?”

“Okay, that's good.”

“So … you gonna keep talking now, or not?”, Clint asked, watching the two with something like confusion in his eyes. Even though this had been quite a weird and somewhat sad scene, he wasn't willing to let sympathy get the better of him.

“Yes.” Loki nodded again. “I will.”

“Okay, good. So you left off at the part where you were abducted.”

“Wait he's talking about _these_ things?”

But Loki ignored his shocked friend and instead took another calming breath. “They tortured me. As you know, I think, they were Frost Giants. They were still cross with me because I tried to destroy their planet, so they thought of some … rather interesting ways of torture.”

“Like what?”

“Oh you know, the usual.” For some reason he was suddenly completely calm. Every rest of agitation had disappeared, leaving him only with emptiness. “Some cuts here, some dislocated joints there. A little bit of burning and a little bit of … of rape. And killing loved ones.”

Peter suddenly felt sick. Yes, Loki had done bad things. Some might even say he'd been evil. But rape? That was so much worse than murder. 

Even Clint had to swallow at that. He'd never thought it had been that bad for Loki. But apparently he'd been wrong, and now he was suddenly talking about killing loved ones. But Loki didn't have any of those, besides Thor maybe. And _he_ was alive and well.

“What loved ones?”, the archer eventually asked. 

“My children.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me if I'm distancing myself from the emotions again. I feel like this chapter was a little ... flat.  
> Also another question: can this be read as post Infinity War?
> 
> Thank you all for reading though, I didn't expect this work to get so many view and positive comments and all. Thanks for sticking with me. 
> 
> The next chapter is going to follow soon and it's loaded with more angsty stuff. Also I'll have to put some information in the notes beforehand, because there will be something important about Loki. Without it, one part will not make sense, I think


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BACKSTORY: Okay so in this story, Loki only had two children, Hela is stilll his sister. It is said that (for a different punishment though) Loki and his two children Narfi and Vali were brought into a cave, where Vali was turned into a wolf and then killed Vali. Loki was then chained to three rocks with Narfi's guts.  
> It's pretty brutal.
> 
> Also I decided to set this entire thing post Infinity War part 2, because why the hell not, it still fits. I guess. Tell me if it doesn't

“Does Thor know about this?” Even though Clint was still pissed about the whole New York thing, he couldn't deny that what Loki had gone through had been worse than anything he would have deserved. He patted the Trickster's leg in a calming manner, but apparently that had been the wrong move.

“Why does everybody only ever care about my brother?!”, Loki spat and jumped to his feet as sudden fury rushed through him. He wiped over his face with one hand, angrily wiping off the tears. He shouldn't have told them, shouldn't have opened up like that! He should have known that it would only hurt him more. “Am I not even to be trusted to make my own decision about my private life any more?”

“We're just trying to help, Loki.”, Peter gently said. “You've … been through some horrible things and I don't even want to imagine how you must feel. But we also think that maybe Thor should know about this. He's your brother.”

“No! It is shameful what happened!”, he hissed, anger battling with fear for the better place in his eyes. “It is shameful and he is not to be told! He would … he would never look at me the same way again.” It wasn't that he didn't want Thor to get attention. He just didn't want him to be burdened with all the problems and trauma of his little brother.

“I'm sure he would understand. It wasn't your fault, after all.” Clint wondered, how he'd gotten here, trying to cheer up the man who had made him kill people.

“I didn't want these children! I didn't want them to have to live in darkness and fear and pain!” Loki started pacing around in the room, stiffly gesturing along to his shaking voice. “I wanted them to live in a world of light and love and safety! But instead, I only failed to protect them! _I failed them_!” He came to a halt, shoulders dropping, eyebrows desperately drawn together as he looked at the other two. “And I had to watch them kill each other while I stood by, doing nothing.”

There was silence after that. Both Peter and Clint were too shocked to really say anything and Loki was now only exhausted. All he wanted to do was curl up under a blanket and sleep for all of eternity.

“You know, uh”, the archer eventually started, scratching a bruise on his arm. “you're not actually all that bad.”

“Why would you say that?” Loki frowned, caught by surprise. “Because of what happened?”

“I mean … I'm not gonna lie to you. It plays its part. Maybe you got what you deserved” He got a death-glare from Peter for that, so he hurriedly added: “and maybe even way too much. But what I actually mean is, that you knew about my family. While you had me under control. You knew about my wife and children and you didn't threaten them once.”

“No.” The God lowered his head. “I suppose I didn't.”

“Well that's nice, right?”, Peter piped up. “That can only mean that you're not as bad as everybody thinks.”

“Don't be this naïve, Child.”, Loki huffed. “I am Loki. I was born to be evil.”

“That is not true!” It was the first time that the teenager had fully snapped at somebody and he was surprised it'd been at Loki and not Tony. But there were so many emotions boiling inside of him and he couldn't even name all of them. Though he did know that he had to show Loki, his friend, how much worth he was. “You may be born as a Frost Giant, but you were raised in Asgard! You grew up with a wonderful brother, who has and always will love you! From what I heard, your mother loved you too! Don't you think you owe it them, that you learn to accept and love yourself?”

“I …” He took a deep, but shaky breath. It was probably true. He should honour them at least in this little way. But wasn't it also his punishment? For all the things he'd done? He had even failed his own children. He would never forgive himself for that. “Perhaps.”

“See, that's a step in the right direction.” Clint nodded at him. “Now. I know that you two have some kind of Mischief-badness-scale. Where on that are you right now?”

“A four or five perhaps.”

“Okay.” Peter clapped his hands and then pointed at the mess on Clint's bed, which he had ignored for the past half hour. “So, Katniss, what's that all about?”

“Bucky planted the idea in Nat's head that it'd be great fun if I put on purple eyeshadow.” Clint shrugged. “But I can't decide which colour is best.”

“I think Loki is the expert in colours.” The teenager grinned at the God. “You want to do us the honour?”

Loki cleared his throat and finally managed to get his old self back, lifting his chin in a slightly arrogant manner. “Well, you do seem in desperate need of help.” A tiny smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. He stepped closer to the bed and sat down on the mattress, motioning Peter to join him. Then he started holding the different shades of purple next to Clint's face and compared them. 

Meanwhile the archer looked like he was enjoying himself quite a lot. However, he still didn't trust the peace completely. Obviously he couldn't hate the God any more, but maybe he could forgive him. Forgive him and make him be on his side in the next prank-war.

 

“Steve are you sitting?”, Clint called into the common room, still hidden behind Loki's door. They had moved their make-up-session downstairs to surprise the others. 

“Yeah, why?”

“Just making sure that our senior citizen doesn't fall over from a shock.” He snickered and then turned to Peter: “Are the others there, too?”

“Yep, all there.”, the teenager grinned back. He gave Loki a pat on the back and said: “Show-time.”

The Trickster nodded, a devious smirk on his lips. He stepped outside, head held high, and bowed slightly, much to the surprise – and maybe even shock – of the Avengers, who were sitting on the couch. He gestured to his room and announced with serious voice: “May I present to you, Hawkeye, in all his glory.”

Out stepped a very … purple Clint. Obviously he had coloured eye-lids and painted nails (Loki was surprisingly good at that), but he was also wearing a purple shirt, purple fuzzy socks – and purple sweatpants. 

The other's reactions were pretty similar. Steve and Bucky both raised their eyebrows, mouth falling slightly open. It was kinda creepy how much alike they were. Like seriously, get a hold of yourself.

Bruce and Rhodey just kind of stared with stupid grins on their faces, while Tony and Sam couldn't help but snort. 

Natasha smirked and looked kind of dangerous doing so, but her happy eyes betrayed her seriousness. 

And even though everybody was just generally in a good mood right now, they still all had the same question floating around in their heads: what on earth had happened to Loki that he was this … cheerful? He didn't exactly seem to be the type to paint somebody's nails or _smile_. And that wasn't even the most interesting part: Clint had more than once expressed his hatred for the Trickster, but suddenly they seemed to have put aside their 'differences' and were now _friendly_ around each other. 

Still, this wasn't the right time to discuss the change in their relationship. 

“I didn't think you'd really do it.”, Bucky finally grinned, after Clint had walked around for a while, showing off his new outfit.

“Are you kidding me? Two of the scariest assassins in the world want me to put on purple, so I'm putting on purple!”, the archer replied and shook his head. “Besides, I like purple.”

“Oh my god, I am going to make every single weapon you need … in purple.” Tony excitedly jumped to his feet and started pacing around in the room. “Like your bow? Purple! Your arrows? Purple! And your suit? Guess what: Purple!” He looked around with a huge grin on his face. “That's gonna be awesome!” 

“Don't you think it would be a little flashy? I mean if he's hiding and he's just _glowing_ in purple...” Natasha smirked at the archer as the image she'd described flashed through her head. “On second thought … make him purple.”

“How did you even get that nail polish so even?”, Steve asked, awe in his voice.

“Oh, I didn't do that.” Clint pointed at Loki. “He did.”

“...are you trying to say that _Loki_ painted your nails??”

“He also decided which eyeshadow looked best.” 

“That is … wow.” Tony looked at the Trickster slightly baffled. “Since when do you know these things?”

Loki looked around with a shit eating grin. He then said (read: sang): “And I fortunately know a little magic, it's a talent that I always have possessed.” He pointed at Tony. “And dear lady, please don't laugh, I use it on behalf” Now he gestured at Clint. “ Of the miserable, the lonely, and depressed.”

“Dude, are you serious, you have seen Ariel exactly once!”

“It is a good movie.” Loki shrugged. “And I like Ursula.”

 

Peter was having one of those rare good days. Although he had to be at school again, he was quite happy. He kept going back to the memories of the previous day with Loki and Clint and the others. He now had pictures of Clint on his phone, with purple eyeshadow and everything and the bonus was, that Loki was standing in the background with a smile on his lips. It warmed his heart to see the God like that.

Unfortunately, Peter also happened to be in the same class as Flash and that sucked. Only one hour before the end of school and the bully came up to him, dumping a pile of the baking powder he'd been experimenting with right in front of him, some of it getting on Peter's hands.

A wave of anxiety ran through his entire body at the feeling of tiny flakes separating themselves from his hands. 

“So, Penis Parker, what was that all about yesterday? Did your period start, or what?”, Flash asked, oblivious – or ignorant – of the sudden distress on the other one's face.

“Flash, just leave me alone.”, the teenager said as calmly as possible and put away his phone, wiping his hands on his jeans. This wasn't going to end well.

“Oh my god, you really are on your period!” The other one let out a harsh laugh. “Bet your Mr. Stark would be delighted to hear that.”

“Shut up!” And suddenly an ocean of all kinds of emotions began swirling around in the pit of his stomach, slowly boiling up until it reached his heart and ripped it into shreds, capping one connection to rational thought after the other, until he was being flooded by fear. “Just shut up!”

“Ts, I don't think your aunt would like the way you talk with others, Puny.”

Peter could feel a hand on his arm, probably Ned, probably trying to calm him down, but his mind was filled with memories, those horrible memories that made his legs and stomach go wobbly, so that he nearly fell off his chair and to the floor, only to scramble back to his feet.

“What the hell, man?!”

“Shut your mouth!”, Peter hissed, tears in his eyes as he tried to get a hold of himself. “Shut your filthy mouth and leave my aunt out of this!” His voice was shaking now; it was raspy and angry and if he hadn't been this agitated, he might have cared about how rude he was being, or about how many lectures he'd get from the Avengers. But right now he couldn't care less, he just tried to breath steadily and keep his thoughts from escalating. Though that led to his brain kind of shutting down. He couldn't keep his shaking hands and legs under control any more, couldn't keep the fear at bay. In another surge of overwhelming emotions, he stumbled back until he hit the nearest wall and slid down to the floor.

“Peter, do you want me to text somebody?”, Ned quietly asked, a worried frown on his face. “Tony for example?”

Peter shook his head and panted: “He'll just, just get angry.” He only wanted to leave this godforsaken school and go back to his aunt, back into her arms and comforting words. Only that that wasn't possible any more and never would be, ever again.

“I don't think that's important right now. You don't look very good.” 

“Everything okay back here?”, their teacher suddenly asked. He looked from one boy to the other in mild confusion.

“Peter is having a panic attack or something. I'll just call Mr. Stark, he'll know what to do.” Ned ignored Peter's protesting groan and started dialling. “Shut up, Pete. He won't be angry at you. He loves you.” This wasn't his first rodeo with a panicking Peter Parker.

“As if this weak ass idiot is having a panic attack right now.”, Flash snickered. 

“I think you've done enough here, Flash!”, the teacher sternly said. Not that he'd ever openly admit that there was a case of severe bullying in his class, but a student having a panic attack was going a little far. “Go back to your desk!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I was slightly drunk when I read over this again and uploaded it, so sorry for any misspelling or anything.  
> Also I don't know how this turned this fucking dark again, I just couldn't help myself and thought 'hey, Peter having a panic attack and Tony to the resuce, that'd be rad' so I did it.
> 
> Oh, also you can follow me on Instagram @jonah_smith_907_fanfictions if you wanna like send me prompts or something. Or just get updates. Idek, just have fun reading
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> I'm hungry.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took longer than usual, didn't it. Wellp, sorry about that, but I was busy with reading a lot of fanfiction about Petey-boy.

Ten minutes later and a very worried Tony Stark stormed into the room, followed by an equally upset Loki, startling everyone inside. The mechanic had flown to the school with his suit, the Trickster had simply teleported. 

While Tony assessed the situation and quickly walked over to Peter, Loki stayed near the door, keeping an eye on the shocked class. 

He'd find out who was responsible for this.

Peter was still sitting on the floor, back pressed against the wall. His eyes didn't really focus on anything and just shot through the room, searching for something to hold on to, while his breath came out too fast and shallow and sweat had formed on his forehead and chest. 

“Heyy, Kid, what's going on with you?”, the mechanic asked softly and crouched down in front of the teenager. “Ned called me and said you weren't feeling well. I brought Loki too. Well, he kinda insisted.”

Peter's eyes finally stopped moving around and locked with Tony's, brown meeting brown. But while Tony's eyes were somewhat calm, although concerned, Peter's were opened wide, brows desperately drawn together, while his lips were slightly parted, as if he wanted to say something but couldn't find the words. He settled with a frantic gasp.

“Listen, uh, can you tell me where you are right now?” The billionaire just ignored the whole class staring at them, though he made a mental note to ruin the life of the person who'd done this to his boy.

The teenager shook his head, his distress clearly growing.

“Can you tell me how you feel?”

A shaky nod, small and short. “I-I … I'm gone.” He took a wheezing breath. “I'm gone, and I, I don't know where I am! M-Mr. Stark I don't feel so good, I don't know what's happening, I don't – I don't wanna go, I don't-” The rest of the sentence was cut of by another gasp for air. 

Tony took a shattery breath to compose himself. He couldn't have a panic attack now, too, he had to be strong for his kid. So he fought back the terrifying pictures that popped up in his head and gripped Peter by his shoulders. “Peter, listen to me. You are alright. You are on earth” One of the other students huffed at that; Loki squinted and walked over to him, recognizing him instantly. “You are in your school with your classmates and me. Ned is here, too.”

“But I don't … I don't feel _real_! I-I don't … am I still dead?”

Loki took the boy by his arm and dragged him out on the hallway. Nobody really seemed to care about that though, they were more interested in their classmate, who appeared to be thinking he was dead. Still dead.

“No, you're back. We did it. We brought you back.”

Finally his breath was starting to slow a little bit, though not completely. Instead, now tears started flowing in streams. “Aunt May too?”

“No, she … she didn't make it.” And for the what felt like 10th time, his heart broke at the sight of such a young boy, being in so much distress. “Do you remember that? I gave you the video.” Even though he hadn't even known what was on it. Maybe he should have checked first. But given that May had recorded it herself, he figured it was only a message. 

And there it was, the realization of what had happened. Her bravery, her courage, her tears on her hollow cheeks. Then, suddenly the realization turned into emptiness; blankly staring into nothingness. Peter nodded, almost mechanically, letting out a shaky breath. “I'm alone now. Aren't I.”

It was dead silent in the room, until it was broken by Tony: “You have me. And the others and Ned. And Loki. We're all here for you.”

“Yeah. I know. I just want her back, you know.” Peter sniffled slightly. Then he looked around, really looked around. He could see all the other's faces, confused and worried and _staring_. But he was too exhausted, too drained of everything to react, other than pulling together his eyebrows even more as he scrunched up his face and started sobbing. He hugged himself, resting his head on his knees. He flinched slightly when Tony put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently.

“I know, Kid. I know you miss her.” Tony gave him a sad smile. “But you'll be okay.” He even received a tiny nod for that. “Do you want to go now? It's okay, school is over anyway.”

“Where will we go?” It was sad how confused the teenager was. He even lifted his head a little. 

“Home. Happy should be here by now.” The mechanic gestured Ned closer. “Keep him grounded for a second. I gotta make sure that that Flash-Kid is still alive.”

Ned swallowed, his heart heavy at the state of his best friend and sat down next to him, talking to him about the Death-Star they'd never come around to building.

Meanwhile, Tony got up and stepped outside of the room, where he found Loki and the boy. “Everything okay here?”

The God nodded. “Of course.” 

“He looks terrified. What did you say to him?” The mechanic frowned.

“I told him that if he ever dares to so much as look the wrong way at my-” He paused shortly before correcting himself: “at Peter, I will end him. I gave him quite a few details.” There was a smirk on his lips; the kind of smirk that made him look like a demon, ready to slice somebody's throat.

Tony had to withhold a snort and instead turned it into a nod. “Agreed.” He addressed Flash once more: “You heard the God. If I ever hear about something like this again, you will have a very hard time. And you know, I have the power to make everything look like an accident.” He gave the bully a cold smirk. Obviously he wouldn't actually do anything violent, but anything to protect his kid. “Understood?”

“B-But that's illegal!”, Flash said, fear clear as day on his face. “You can't threaten me!”

“Perhaps not, but I can.” A green shimmer flashed over his features. “So do not tempt me. Understood?”

Flash nearly choked on that, but he managed a nod: “Understood.”

Tony went back into the classroom, while Loki waited at the door, helping Peter to his feet. “Let's go, Pete. Happy will drive us home.” He supported the teenager with an arm around his waist and together they made their way through the halls, which were by now flooded with students. 

Loki walked in front of them, effectively creating a swath in the crowd. 

 

“Loki?” Peter shifted in his seat in the car a little, shooting his friend a shy look. “Can I lean on your shoulder? I'm so tired.”

The God cracked a soft smile. “Of course, Spider-Child.” He waited until the teenager was comfortably leaning against his shoulder, feet pulled up onto the seat; then he put one arm around him and held him close, running his other hand through his hair. He fondly looked down on the boy, an expression of love in his eyes, for the first time filled with warmth.

Tony shot the two of them a slightly jealous look, but instead of complaining, he gently put a hand on Peter's lower legs, trying to support him even through such a small gesture. 

And somehow, he felt like that was enough. 

 

By the time they reached the Tower, Peter was fast asleep, spread over both of his favourite persons, clutching Loki's green coat. The God hadn't moved since he'd sat down about twenty minutes ago. However, now he gently ruffled the young one's hair. “Wake up, we're here.”

The teenager sat up and suppressed a yawn, looking around a little lost. Then he seemed to realize why he was where he was and lowered his gaze, a light blush appearing on his cheeks. “Sorry.”, he croaked and forced up a crooked smile. 

“Don't apologize for something that isn't your fault.” Tony squeezed his hand. “Everything's fine.” At least he got a nod for that. “Let's go inside, shall we?”

 

Loki and Tony brought a barely awake Peter up to his room, who was gone the second his head hit his pillow. Although it hadn't been his absolute worst panic attack, he was still pretty shaken up and drained of all energy. Plus, he hadn't slept properly in too long.

Loki pulled the blanket over him with a fond, though somewhat sad smile. He froze when he felt the mechanic's stare on his back and slowly turned around. He raised an eyebrow, masking his emotions and whispered: “What are you looking at?”

“Nothing.” Tony turned to leave the room, but then he turned around again. “No, you know what? I have a question.” He, too, kept his voice as quiet as possible, but he still did the approach-and-point-thing. “When we were talking to that Flash-prick, you were about to call Pete something else but by his name. What was that?”

“It is not of importance.” The blush on his cheeks betrayed his words. 

“Can't be that bad, can it? Cause otherwise I might do something unspeakable to you.” He'd kill the Trickster if he found out that there was something romantic going on between the two. Although he was a rather tolerant man, he wouldn't be able to accept his kid to be in a relationship with the man who blew up New York.

“I um … I do not wish to make you uncomfortable. Or something equally unpleasant.”

“You're making me more uncomfortable by not telling me!”

The Trickster remained silent for another few moments, clenching his jaw as a storming debate broke lose in his head. Eventually he looked down at his lap and mumbled something at his hands.

“I'm sorry, what was that?” Tony stepped a little closer with raised brows. “I didn't quite catch that there.”

Loki looked back up, but avoided the mechanic's cold eyes, his own wet with tears. “I … I think of him as a – as a brother.” He glanced at the other man, fear flashing over his face, and balled his hands into fists, trying to hide how much they were shaking. 

Of all the things Tony had been prepared to hear, this hadn't been it. However, this version was so much purer and so much better. 

When Loki finally dared to meet the billionaire's eyes, he couldn't help but flinch at the unexpected softness in them. He thought he'd be dead after he'd admitted this, but apparently not. As more anxiety throbbed through his body, he started nervously fondling his coat between his fingers.

“That's uh … that's really cute.” Tony finally said and cleared his throat. “But uh don't you already have a brother??”

“Why yes, but he is … our relationship is not the best. I realize he never meant to harm me, but in the end he did.” He gave the mechanic a sad smirk. “Peter is good to me. And I would rather die than let him be harmed. Promise”

“You know, for some reason I believe you.” He huffed out a laugh and gave Peter another warm look. “You better keep that promise.”

It was then, that Peter stirred again and opened his eyes with a groan. He blinked at the ceiling a few times and then turned his head to see Loki standing there. He smiled tiredly at the God.

“Did we wake you?”, Tony asked a little sheepishly. “Sorry about that.”

“'s okay.”, the teenager mumbled. “Jus' gonna sleep again.”

“Right. You do that, kiddo. I'll just leave you two alone then.” He went to Peter once more and ran a hand through his hair. “Gotta talk to the school and explain a few things.”

Peter hummed in content. It was to be doubted that he even registered anything of the conversation. Instead, he held out his hand to Loki. “Lie down?”

Tony watched as the God slipped under the covers next to Peter, the teenager inching closer until he could put his head on the older one's chest. Loki took the teenager into a tight embrace and started rubbing circles into his back, soothingly humming a lullaby to make him feel warm and safe and loved.

The mechanic wasn't physically able to wipe the fond smile from his own face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also please tell me what else you would like me to include in this fic, as I'm kind of running out of ideas. I mean I got a few left, but I'd like to hear what you guys wanna read.
> 
> And thanks for sticking with me and for all the kudos and great comments :D


	10. Chapter 10

The evening came quick, and shortly after 8pm, Peter woke up. He felt much better, the anxiety had died down and left him in a comfortable calm. He turned his head and found Loki still asleep, his face buried between Peter's neck and the pillow, deep breaths raising his curled up body in a slow and steady rhythm. 

The teenager smiled at the man and nudged his shoulder gently. “Wake up.”

Loki let out a quiet huff as he flinched awake. He lifted his head and looked at Peter, a light smirk on his lips. “Good morning, Spider-Child.”

“Hey, Loki.” He yawned and sat up, lowering his gaze at the Trickster. A cheeky grin appeared on his face and he said: “You should buy a cat.”

“I … I beg you pardon?”He frowned at the sudden statement and sat up as well. “Why would I get a cat?” He wasn't even sure what exactly a cat was, other than that it had fur and four legs. 

“They're good with calming nerves and stuff.” Peter shrugged. 

“Oh you are trying to tell _me_ that _I_ need something to calm my nerves?” He shook his head, though it wasn't a harsh motion. “You had a panic attack at school and then had to sleep for five hours.”

“You slept, too.”, the teen argued.

“... fair enough.”

“We could get a cat together, though.” He gave the Trickster a shy smile. 

“You really want that cat, do you not?” Loki returned the smile. He thought about it for a second, then he rolled his eyes at the boy. “Fine, but only if we get one as dark and cold as my soul.”

Peter snorted. “Right.” A sneaky grin snuck up on his face. “But I'll go to the shelter with Bucky.”

“May I ask why?”

“I wanna surprise you.” He shrugged. “And Bucky likes dogs, but Tony doesn't want one in the tower, so he goes to the shelter all the time to pet them.”

“Ah.” Loki smiled. Then he glanced at the clock and frowned slightly. “Would you like to get dinner? I'm sure there will be some food left in the kitchen.”

“Yeah, that sounds good.” He fought his way out of the bed, barely managing to free himself from the blanket around his legs. “Let's go.”

 

The next day was a Saturday and since the death of aunt May, Peter had been living with the Avengers back at the Tower, although he didn't have his own floor like the others. Instead, he lived on the same floor as Tony and Pepper, but with his own room and his own bathroom attached.

Now though, it was already noon and Peter had just come up to the common floor after an extraordinarily long sleep. He'd stayed up for quite a while the night before, spending time with Loki in front of the TV. They had watched two Disney movies, one of which had been Maleficent – Loki had loved that one, partly because of the horns – and the other one Frozen. He had had tears in his eyes when Elsa had started singing 'Let it go', but Peter hadn't said anything and had just squeezed his hand.

However, now he more or less stumbled into the kitchen, sleepily rummaging through the cupboards until he found the last bag of Cap'n Crunch. Without even noticing the other man in the room, he hopped onto the counter and started eating.

Until said man audibly cleared his throat. 

Peter spun around and saw Steve sitting on the couch, raising his eyebrows at the boy. 

“Shoot.” He nearly dropped the bowl, but he caught himself just in time and set it on the table instead. “Sorry, Cap, Steve, Sir.” 

The super-soldier snorted. “It's alright, kid. I don't mind.”

“...really?”

“Not when you're the one stealing my food, anyway. Bucky is more annoying, because he does it more often.”

This time Peter was the one to snort. Then his face lit up even more. “Hey, you wanna come to the shelter later? I wanna get a cat for Loki and me and I wanted to ask Bucky, too, but I haven't seen him yet.”

“Yeah, sure.” Steve smiled at the boy. Even though he didn't really like the God – yet – for obvious reasons, he wasn't gonna hate on him. For Peter's sake. “I'd love to. And I think I'll have to keep Buck from buying a dog. Or twenty.”

“Great. Do you know where he is? Cause then I'll ask him myself.”

“He went for a run this morning, but I think he's in the gym now.”

“Don't you usually spar together though?”

“Yeah, but today I had to stay up here and make sure Loki doesn't do anything stupid.”

Peter sighed. “Right. You can wake me up next time. I'll stay with him.”

“No, you still need your beauty-sleep.”, Steve snickered. “Go down and ask him, I'll finish this book.” It was a book about World War 2. 

“Okay, sure, I'll be back in no time.” And with that he dashed over to the elevator and went down to the gym. 

 

“Hey Bucky.”, Peter interrupted the super-soldier's sparring-session with Natasha. Clint was hanging upside down from an open vent, eating popcorn. 

The two assassins paused in their fight to look at the teenager.

“Hey Pete, what's up?” Bucky smiled at him.

“I uh wanted to ask if you wanted to come to the shelter with Steve and me. I wanna get a cat.”

The assassin nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah!” Then he frowned slightly. “Does Tony know about that cat though? He wouldn't even allow me a dog.”

“Yeah, I know. I haven't really asked him yet, but I figured it'd be better to ask for forgiveness than for permission.” He grinned at Clint, who smirked right back. He'd been the one to teach the teen that kind of thought-process.

“If you make your puppy eyes, Tony has no chance of resisting.”, the archer snickered. “He's got a soft spot for you.”

“Everybody does.”, Natasha threw in. 

“Even you?” Clint shut up very quickly when he met her icy look. 

 

The trip to the shelter was interesting, to say the least. Right at the beginning, Bucky disappeared somewhere unknown to mankind; Steve ran after him while muttering something along the lines of 'we're not gonna get outta here alive' and Peter took off to the cats.

It were a lot of cats. There were brown ones, black ones, white ones and orange ones and some that had all of those colours combined into a beautiful mix. Then there were the old and grumpy cats, the goofballs, the vicious balls of fur that climb people's legs and then scream at them, and the ones that acted like innocent, shy little angels and were in reality little shits that liked to knock stuff over. 

It didn't take long for Peter to decide which cat he deemed worthy of coming home with him that day. 

After he'd chosen the little devil, he went to go and find the two super-soldiers. Of course he'd been prepared for them playing with puppies or some senior dogs. He hadn't been prepared for the sight of Bucky, gently letting a three-legged little pup chase his metal-hand, a soft smile on his lips.

If heart-eyes were physically possible, Steve would have rocked them.

 

“Hey guys, we're back.”, Steve called and stepped out of the elevator. The Avengers – minus Tony, who was still in his workshop – turned their heads away from the Tv where Clint and Nat had been playing Mario Kart. The archer nearly managed to fall off the couch when he saw the tiny dog in Bucky's arms, who trotted inside after his friend, not even taking his eyes off the animal. 

“That is the cutest thing I have ever seen in my life.”, Clint exclaimed and hurried over, excitedly letting the puppy bite into his hand. “So cute!”

“You should have seen Steve when I found them.”, Peter grinned as he walked over to the kitchen-counter and set down the little transport-box. “Full on heart-eyes.”

“You should have taken a picture.”, Nat said and shook her head as she walked over to the teen. “For blackmail purposes.”

“Oh I did, don't worry.” He grinned at her and earned himself a pleased smile. He then turned to shout at Loki's door: “Loki, I'm back! Come out and look at what I brought!”

Only seconds later and the God stepped into the room, curiosity glittering in his eyes. “Have you returned with a cat?”, he asked and suppressed a smirk.

“Oh yeah, as dark and cold as your soul.”, Peter retorted. “Come here, she's in the box.”

“Why did you put 'her' in a box?”

“For transport.” They ignored Clint's snort from across the room. “Go on, open it. She won't bite. I think.”

The Trickster raised an eyebrow, but did as he was told, opening the box and reaching inside. His hands found something incredibly soft and small and warm. Then he had the kitten in his arm with a slightly confused frown. So this was a cat.

“As dark and cold as your soul.”, Peter repeated with a fond smile. 

“The animal is white.” Loki gave the teen a doubting look, though he wasn't able to banish the fondness out of it, either. 

“Exactly.” The teen's smile only grew wider. “She's got green eyes, too.”

“Are you trying to imply that my soul is white, as well??”

“Well maybe not exactly white, more like a greyish kinda … colour.” He leaned over and buried his nose in the fur of the kitten, being held by Loki. Then he looked back up. “What do you wanna name her?”

“You want me to name her?”

“Yup.” 

If it was even possible, the God's look grew even fonder as he smiled at the cat and said: “Frigga. I wish to name her Frigga.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know where I'm going with this. Also the next update might take a while, because my motivation is kinda slipping away, also I got another great idea and I gotta get it outta my head. Even though I tried not to write 5 fanfictions at once again. Last time was a mess, I'm telling ya.
> 
> Thanks for reading though, y'all can check out my insta or something if you want. The name's jonah_smith_907_fanfictions
> 
> Also I don't know if I read over this once more, so if you noticed anything, please tell me


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long!!! This is also shorter than the other chapters I think, but I was really struggling to complete this, so I'm just glad I got it done at all in this quality.
> 
> It still isn't remotely beta-ed, so sorry for any mistakes.

Tony interrupted the scene as he stepped out of the elevator and froze dead in his tracks at the sight of not only one, but _two_ animals, in _his_ tower. He proceeded by shooting everybody in the room a slightly horrified look. 

“What is this?”, he asked. 

“Uuh, hi Mr. Stark, what's up.”, Peter said with insecurity clear as day in his voice. Oh god, what was he gonna say? “Um Loki and I got a cat and Bucky found a three-legged puppy.” He smiled at his mentor. “Can we keep them?”

“He's gonna make the puppy-eyes.”, Clint whispered. Natasha grinned.

Peter made the puppy-eyes. “Please?”

“God, I hate you all.” Tony sighed, then he threw his arms in the air. “Yeah, fine, whatever. But if they break something, you're gonna pay for it!”

 

That night was … cute. Peter and Loki had decided that Frigga should stay with Loki for her first night in the tower, so the God had taken her with him into his room. It had taken about ten minutes until the kitten curled in on herself right next to Loki's head on his pillow, purring loudly.

Loki scooped her into his arms, curling up around her, holding her firmly against his chest, listening to her purr and breath and then snore softly. He fell asleep to her sound and her soft fur underneath his hands. 

And he woke up to her lying on his chest, curled up into a tight ball, head tucked under his chin. 

The God let out a soft chuckle and carefully picked her up, slowly shuffling into the kitchen. He fed her and made sure she relieved herself. After that he took the elevator to Peter's floor. He had planned to quietly slip into the younger one's room and more or less throw the cat at him, but he changed those plans pretty quickly when he opened the door and was met by the crying mess that was Peter Parker.

“... Peter?” Loki slowly stepped closer, Frigga still pressed to his chest. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, uh, yeah. I-I'm good.” The teen quickly sat up and wiped away his tears. New ones rolled down his cheeks almost immediately. He had woken up that morning at about 4 in the morning and when he'd realized what date it was, he had nearly puked at the sudden sensation of his guts churning.

“Do you not have school?”

“No, it's Sunday.” At least he had his voice under control. More or less. Let's just say it wasn't shaking as much as it could have been.

“Of course. May I ask why you're this upset?” The Trickster sat down next to him and handed him the kitten.

Peter took her and buried his nose in her fur. “It's May's birthday today.”, he mumbled. “Would be, anyway.”

“May was your aunt, correct?”

“Yeah.” Peter swallowed a dry sob. He could see her in front of his inner eye, smiling at him, laughing, brushing his hair back with gentle fingers. “Yeah she was.”

“Would you mind if I stayed here with you?”

“No, yeah, sure.” He scooted over to make space for the God, holing onto the kitten for dear life. 

Loki climbed into the bed and put an arm around Peter's shoulder, gently pulling him a little closer. “You know it is only normal to feel the way you do, right, Spider-Child?”

“I guess.”

The older one hummed softly. “You see, my mother died, too. It was not too long ago, either. Although it was my fault, so I do not suppose you feel quite the same.” He gave Peter a smile. “What I'm trying to say is, that it is normal to feel … cold. And empty. But you will surely be able to learn how to fill that hole with things that bring you joy.”

“How … did you fill it?”

Loki looked down at his laps as a blush crept up his cheeks. “You did.”

“...oh. That's really nice.” And suddenly there was some warmth in his stomach. A warmth that didn't quite erase the cold of May's loss, but enough to calm him down a little.

“I was never this close to Thor, you know. I used to stab him a lot.”

“And now you don't?” Despite the day it was, the teen was still able to be sarcastic. That had to be a good sign, right? It had to mean that he wasn't in the worst shape possible. Or he just tried to hide his pain. 

“... well not as often. Occasionally he annoys me too much, though.” Loki smirked before getting serious again. “But I would never hurt you. One way or the other.”

“Thanks. That's cool.” Peter sniffled. He was definitely just trying to hide his pain. “I just don't think I'll ever not going to miss her, you know?”

“I do not believe that's the point. It is rather a question of embracing that feeling. You embrace it, but you wrap it in good memories and feelings so that it doesn't hurt as much any more. ”

Peter nodded thoughtfully. “I guess that makes sense.” 

“You see, I called this little cat Frigga, because it was my mother's name and I wish to have her warmth with me. We can of course still call her May, if that is what you need.”, the God added. He'd do it in a heartbeat, only to make the kid feel better.

“No, Frigga is just fine.” The teen gave the other one a sad smile. He couldn't just take that away from his friend. “I'll look for something else.”

“Of course.”

For a few minutes there was a comfortable silence in the room, only broken by the kitten's purring. Then Peter suddenly said: “She left me a video. May, I mean.” Again he could feel the tears running down his cheeks, but this time he didn't wipe them away. “She had cancer, you know. The ugly kind. And she gave Tony a video that he was supposed to give to me in the case of her death. I still haven't watched it.”

“Do you want to watch it today?”

He nodded. “Yeah. I think I do.”

“And do you wish me to stay?”

Peter lowered his head. “Yes please. I don't want to be alone right now.” He wasn't sure what he'd do if he was alone. Nothing good, probably. 

“Of course.”

 

The video was … sad. Even for Loki, who hadn't even known the woman, it was hard to watch it without starting to cry. And if he did, nobody would ever know, since Peter spent the entirety of the tape with his head on Loki's chest, crying his eyes out. Even Frigga looked kind of sad, curled up in Peter's arms.

The first thing Peter saw, when he hit play, was May's face, thin and pale, although not as bad as in the very end, not as bad as on her last day. Her eyes were big and dark and there were tears, ready to spill, but she kept blinking them away.

She talked, softly and quietly, and Peter sobbed and Loki held him tight, ignoring his own tears. May said all those things, how proud she was to have Peter as her nephew and how much she was going to miss him and how much she was going to haunt him if he dropped out of school. And she apologized, for having to leave him so soon and Peter wanted to tell her that it was okay, that it wasn't her fault, but it _wasn't_ okay; he wanted her back, wanted to hug her and be held by her and tell her about his day. 

_“I love you, Peter.”_ She was crying too, but she smiled anyway, trying to be strong for her kid. Then the video ended, cut off just like that.

“I love you too.”, he whispered at the dark screen, voice hoarse and barely more than a whisper from all the crying. 

Loki sniffled and gently pressed a kiss into Peter's brown curls. 

Neither of them said anything for a long time after that. There wasn't anything to be said, no words could sooth the teen's pain right now, no words could fill the dark hole that was Peter's heart.

Then, after what must have been more than half an hour, Peter quietly said: “I was there when she died.” Loki nodded, not daring to speak up. He felt that it wasn't his place to interrupt. “She looked so thin and fragile, as if she would break from a handshake.” His voice was clear now, raspy, yes, but the tears were gone, leaving him in an empty calm. “Tony and the others had managed to defeat Thanos and reverse the whole … the whole snap. And she was so happy to see me. She cried and I cried and then Tony cried, too, and then she just … died. Just … closed her eyes and never opened them again.”

Again it was quiet for a few moments. Finally, Loki murmured: “I'm sorry.” He rubbed soothing circles into Peter's back and softly breathed into his hair as he told him without thinking: “I love you.” He so desperately wanted to make the other one feel better, feel warm and safe and loved and not this _alone_. And yet, the teen stiffened slightly in the God's embrace. “I will protect you, brother.”

At that, Peter started crying again, but this time it was silent and calm and he thought to himself, that maybe he would be okay. With time, he would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this a possible ending?? Like ... does it feel like there's something important missing or is it a good ending? Because I'm not sure how I'd continue this, how long it would take and if I'd even be able to do it properly. Of course if you really really want me to write a final chapter, tell me and I will.  
> Otherwise, thank you so much for reading and sticking with me, I had a great time and all your comments made my day(s), repeatedly.


	12. Chapter 12

It was roughly six months later, that something like a stable normalcy had been established in the tower. Loki now had the 92nd floor all to himself, except for Thor who stayed in a guest room whenever he was on earth. Before that, the 93rd and 92nd floor both had been common floors, but after such a long time, it had become clear that the Trickster needed more privacy and had therefore gotten that one floor all to himself. After all, he wasn't a very social guy. Not always, anyway. Sometimes he'd do a lot with others for a week straight, and then suddenly he'd only talk to Peter for ten days and snap at people if they dared to approach him. 

Clint had made his peace with Loki for good, the two of them now spent an awful lot of time dressing up in purple and green outfits, occasionally even a dress. Though the archer saw to it that he used the God's unsocial phases to visit his family. 

Also Loki had figured out how to do somebody's make-up properly, starting with his own. If anybody asked, he'd say he'd learned it by himself, but the truth was that Natasha had helped him. However, she had made it more than clear, that she would not hesitate to slice his throat if he so much as hinted at her involvement. He did not want to risk that.

Frigga was bigger now. She was a little shit that liked to knock stuff over and Loki _adored_ her. He had started making videos of the cat, snickering loudly every time she did something even remotely amusing. 

Peter watched every single clip with great joy. 

The two of them, teenager and God, spent a good amount of time together as well, only growing closer as time moved on. Sometimes Loki would watch the teen work on something science-related and pretend like he understood everything, nodding along and humming in agreement. Sometimes he would slip into Peter's bed after a nightmare, or the other way around, holding each other tightly until they fell back asleep, though those bad nights got less. Sometimes they'd watch a movie together and fall asleep on the couch, until Tony came and woke them up to move to their beds. And sometimes, Tony would just throw a blanket over them and watch them for some time, until he'd realize that he was being creepy again and went down to his workshop to spend the night there.

Though lately, he'd been sleeping more than usually. He'd started taking care of himself more, which was probably only because Peter always got sad when Tony pulled two all-nighters in a row and didn't eat. And he didn't want his kid to be sad and he certainly didn't want to be hit with the full force of Peter's _sad_ puppy-eyes.

Another thing that had happened only a few weeks ago: Tony had officially adopted Peter. Well, Tony and Pepper had. It had been emotional and big and everybody had smiled like idiots and maybe the mechanic had even shed a tear or two, but nobody had noticed because they'd been focussed on Peter's constant stream of tears. It'd been happy tears though, so it'd been okay.

Also, since Tony had had to go public with Peter's adoption, they had agreed to finally reveal Spider-Man's identity while they were at it. Since then they'd had to deal with a lot of paperwork, hate from the media because their hero was a by now sixteen year old kid who wasn't even out of school yet and also tons of very enthusiastic fans. 

Oh, one other thing: Peter Parker was an Avenger now. Like officially. 

Ned had nearly fainted when he'd heard, while Flash had gotten considerably nicer and quieter towards Peter. The teen just tried to keep living his normal life, avoiding press waiting for him in front of school and rushing Ned to the Tower for safe-keeping every time he pissed some big bad guy off.

Although Loki wasn't considered an Avenger – yet, as Peter kept saying – he'd started going on missions with the others, mostly working with Dr. Strange. Whenever the wizard deemed something worthy enough to leave his usual place, anyway. Otherwise the God stuck to Thor – when he was on earth – or to Clint. The archer needed help the most, since he wasn't enhanced and only had his arrows, so Loki made sure to save his ass whenever needed. He still felt like he had to make up for the New York disaster, though Clint had assured him that he'd forgiven him. The others had decided that it might be counterproductive if the God was with Peter in a fight, because too many protective emotions might compromise a mission. 

And despite the excessive safety-measures of the whole tower, Clint still refused to bring his family along. It wasn't so much that he didn't trust the others to keep them safe, but more the wish to keep them away from the constant possibility of an ever present threat looming over them. He wanted them to grow up peacefully – okay apart from that one Ultron incident – and without having to be exposed to the press and other equally … unpleasant people. 

However, Natasha visited Laura and the kids pretty regularly, with her being Nathaniel's aunt and all. Wanda joined her sometimes, considering that Nathaniel was also named after Pietro; she felt it to be her responsibility to get to know the child. Needless to say that both women were absolutely in love with the boy. 

Meanwhile, Steve and Bucky had finally managed to accept their feelings, to talk about them and to not run away from them. Clint kept asking them when they'd get married, escaping to the vents just in time to avoid being hit by something thrown at him. It was usually a glass or a knife. The two lovers had also started training Bucky's three-legged dog, for which Tony had made a prosthetic fourth leg. They had agreed to call her Peggy and sometimes, when she did something naughty, Steve called her Agent Carter with his Captain America voice, which earned him a low chuckle from the Bucky almost every time.

All in all, it was getting better every day and Peter had finally found his Frigga in writing letters to aunt May and leaving them at her grave every Sunday. Eventually he went there less and it took a lot of talking with Loki, Tony and Pepper, to convince him that he wasn't a bad person for moving on. He had now reduced his visits to once a month, more, when he was having a rough time. He didn't even cry that much any more, but just told May what he'd done lately, how school was, or what the latest prank was that Clint and Loki had pulled on Tony and Steve. 

He was getting better.

 

What nobody knew, was that Loki had begun teaching Peter some things. Small things, nothing too big, but still enough to make the younger one feel … cool. And powerful. 

“Clint, I know you're in the vents again.”, Peter called, without looking up from his book. “I can hear you.”

Two seconds later and the archer more or less fell out of the ceiling. “Dude!”, he exclaimed and got up from where he'd landed. He pointed to the kitchen, from where two certain super-soldiers stared back at him. “I was on my way to Bucky to steal Peggy!”

“You do realize that that would've been a suicide mission, right?”

“Not if you hadn't given away my location, dipshit.” Clint flopped down next to the teen on the couch and turned on the TV, searching for something good to watch and absently picking on a scab on his forearm. “Do we have some snacks?”

“Yup, in the kitchen.”

“I literally just sat down.”

“ _You_ want snacks!”

“Yeah, but I'm an old man.”

Peter sighed sarcastically and shot him a pitiful look. “You're right. Lemme get it.” Now he put away his book and sat up a little straighter. He smirked at the slightly confused stare he got from the archer, then he pulled his face into a concentrated frown and performed a weird movement with both hands. Just as Bucky and Steve walked over as well, some sort of purple fog emerged from the teen's fingertips, floating to the kitchen and returning with a bag of chips. “Here you go.” He was panting a tiny bit and wiped away some sweat from his forehead, but he grinned proudly. Clearly, it had been exhausting. 

“What … was that??”, Bucky asked with wide eyes. 

“Loki taught me that.” Peter snickered at the other's faces. “Took some time, I'm telling you that, but it's totally worth it.”

“...right.” Steve cleared his throat. Just another totally normal day in the life of the Avengers. “That's cool. I guess.”

The teen smirked. “So, movie?”

 

An hour into the movie and the elevator opened, revealing Loki, sporting black sweatpants, a green robe and dark sunglasses. His long hair was tied up into a messy bun and his hands were buried in his pockets. Ignoring the stares of Clint and Peter, since Steve and Bucky had left to do … things, he shuffled to the kitchen and rummaged through the fridge for a while, before retrieving some left over pizza. 

“Um Loki, what are you doing?”, Peter asked with a frown and a grin. “You look horrible.”

“Thor brought alcohol from some … planet yesterday and then left me alone with it. I believe it would be hard liqueur, if converted to your standards.”

“And you're not used to that?”, Clint snorted. 

“No. He wouldn't ever let me drink, so now my head is killing me.” The Trickster shot an irritated look at the TV, where a car had just exploded. “I shall take this food and go back to my room.”

“You need anything?” The teen considered some Aspirin, but then he figured that it probably wouldn't work on a god anyway. 

“No. But I thank you, Spider-Child.” Loki gave him a smile. “Perhaps you might want to come downstairs later on.”

“Sure.” Peter nodded and grinned back. “Do you want me to keep Frigga off your nerves?”

“Yes, please!” He shot the younger one a desperate look. “She keeps screaming at me!”

“I'll be down in a minute.” The God nodded thankfully and disappeared back into the elevator, one hand pressed against his temple. 

“He's a lightweight, huh?”, Clint asked when the other man was gone again. “We gotta get Thor to get more of that stuff so we can see Loki in full on drunk-mode instead of grumpy-hangover-mode.”

 

They ended up doing just that. Except that Peter was allowed some alcohol as well and instead of doing crazy things, him and Loki spent the evening on the couch together, cuddling their cat and telling each other how much they loved each other and how much they valued each other and how they were better siblings than anybody else.

Tony recorded the whole thing for blackmail purposes. Then he had to delete it when Loki threatened to throw him off the roof. Little did the God know, that the billionaire had made about thirty copies. 

Peter did know and spent the next weeks doing his homework very thoroughly, careful not to miss a single assignment. 

On December 6th, Bucky proposed to Steve on one of Tony's parties. They married merely four months later, on March 16th and Clint's kids were allowed to play flower girls, while the archer himself had managed to be the one to deliver to rings. He was dressed in his purple armour that day. 

Pepper got pregnant in January and Loki nearly cried when he heard the news. Nine months later, a little girl was born and Tony and Pepper called her May. When Peter heard _that_ , he cried like a child. But it was okay, because his parents and his brother were there with him, and they hugged him and kissed him and held him tight, and then Clint came running in and threw confetti at them. 

After that, Loki and Peter spent a lot of time with May, playing with her and feeding her and bonding, and they both felt like they finally got a real family and they were part of it and valued and loved and they had protective uncles and a scary aunt, who had by now even started getting protective over Loki. Even more so, since they'd found out that he was only roughly 16 years old in human years. 

And they were okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here we are. I hope you liked this ending. If you want, you can send me prompts, doesn't matter if it's angst or fluff, I'm just not very good at smut. Yet. Also no underage.
> 
> Thank you all for reading and sticking with me!! I read all your comments and you're all so lovely!


	13. Announcement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NOT AN ACTUAL CHAPTER, I ONLY NEED TO ASK Y'ALL SOMETHING

Okay so I might be turning this story into a series of oneshots, with this fic as kind of the base. Somebdoy already suggested that Shuri should meet Peter and Loki and obvisouly MJ and Ned and that they all go to school together for a week to do ... things. Idk.

Basically, I wanted to ask you if you could give me some ideas on what else to put in that series (Also please give me some suggestions on what they could do in school because at the moment I have no idea at all.)

Sorry to everybdoy who hoped this might be a new chapter, but I was quite happy with how I ended this fic.

THANKS FOR READING


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